“No, I have, but?—”
“But you didn’t care what happened to them,” I finish for him, then bite my lip. That came out more as a presumptuous statement than the question I meant for it to be… God, this angel is sending me on a roller coaster of emotions.
“Honestly? Yes.”
My heart flutters and halts at the same time, and he looks at me as if he can hear the damn thing in my chest.
“It’s easier than you’d think for us to become detached.” His voice becomes pensive, almost to the point of being hollow, or lonely. “Our entire culture is built on us being higher beings, which inadvertently devalues human life. Not only must we keep our nature a secret from you, but your lives are so painfully short in comparison to our long, immortal existence. Forbidden or not, I gave up on having a meaningful relationship with any human long ago.”
“But…” I struggle to find the right words. “I thought you spent a lot of time on Earth. What have you been doing all your life, then?”
He shakes his head. “Ihavespent a lot of time on Earth. So much time, I’ve forgotten all the aliases, faces, and personalities I’ve used. That is simply my fate as a Messenger. I am to be a drifter until the day the Earth burns, or until I am called home to Heaven.” He pauses, smiling sadly, as he gently tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Now, imagine my surprise when I’m sent to deliver a message to someone, right before the world lights on fire, just to find she’s as unique as I am.”
Empathy, the bane of my existence, rears her ugly head again. Dusk has just made it abundantly clear that I have no idea who he truly is, but I still feel a sting from behind my eyes. My traitorous heart bleeds for him, a total stranger.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” he continues, “but I was selfish. I put my own feelings before you. I just want you to be safe and strong enough to handle this calling. I want to help you, and I know that if we continue down this path, it will only complicate everything.”
I try to swallow my pride and accept his reasons. He’s being logical,after all. There’s nothing good that would come from us pursuing something that is doomed to failure.
But why do his words still hurt me?
Maybe it’s just the sting of disappointment. The embarrassing, foolish, unworthy feeling of being rejected. I trusted him with something special, after all, just for him to hand it right back to me.
Or maybe it’s the crushing realization of every challenge I’m about to face, knowing I’ll have to endure it all alone, an emotional cap placed on my relationship with my one companion here?—
“I’m really sorry, Kae.” He brushes his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the one shameful tear that escaped. “I was selfish and thoughtless. I should have done better.”
I’m torn. He seems sincere, as if he’s genuinely disappointed in himself. I want to forgive him, if only to alleviate the pain on his face, but I’m also beyond frustrated with him. It’s going to take me a little time to get over this.
I release a breath, averting my eyes. “Even angels can make mistakes, I suppose.”
“We do. We make alotof mistakes.”
“And I really wanted to, you know, cross that line, obviously. That was my decision, and I made that choice willingly.” I narrow my eyes and look directly at him, making sure he gets my point. “But if this is what you think is necessary, then who am I to say otherwise? I don’t know what kind of rules your people have. I’d like to, someday soon, if you’ll indulge me. I’d like to understand you. And your people, whoever they are...” I’m definitely rambling. “But uh, I just… I need to know where this leaves us.”
He grins, leaning up on his elbow. “Awkwardly lying together in a very uncomfortable bed, apparently.”
“You know what I mean.” I roll my eyes, ignoring his poor attempt at humor. “What are we? Can we still be friends? Platonically?”
“Promise you won’t fall in love with me?” His tone is joking, and he still looks light-hearted, but I get the feeling he means it.
I struggle to swallow the lump in my throat, deciding to answerhonestly in the easiest way I can. “I can’t promise shit, but I’ll certainly try not to. Though if you’re not going to cuddle me now to avoidcatching feelings,can you at least get us dinner? I’m starving.”
10
THE UNNAMED ANGEL
Iland on the outer platform of the Nerve Center, a spherical building attached to a tall, needle-like support column. My reflection greets me in the dark, one-way glass, and I avert my eyes, slipping out my small knife. Before I have time to draw blood, though, someone inside opens the sliding glass door.
Amezarak stands next to the doorway, bowing his head in a show of respect.
My fingers twirl the knife in idle occupation as I stride into the quiet room, the door closing soundlessly behind me, and I take my seat at the circular marble table.
All five of my Secretarii sit waiting.
“Proceed, Bat,” I say with the wave of my knife.
Batriel stands to speak in that unusually low timbre of his. “This morning, an Israel-based patrol spotted a known Messenger escorting a young human with a ‘peculiar signature’ in her soul through the Tel Aviv airport. To remain undetected, our agents did not intervene and ended their mission early to report back. Subsequent patrols have been unable to reinstate surveillance of the target.”
