“I have the responsibility for thousands on my back. I would swear this oath to you as I would swear it to them, lest I suffer the consequences of my failure for them all.”
He looks at me, through a capacity I still don’t quite understand, for a long moment.
“Very well,” he finally says, rising from his perch. “Your sworn promise has been heard, and I will offer you a gift of privileged information in exchange for your noble intentions.”
My spine straightens. “I would humbly accept such a gift, Kesbeel. Thank you.”
“You must free the star that was promised from the possession of those who seek destruction.” He clasps his hands together within the sleeves of his robes, his corporeal visage starting to waver and fade from existence. “She alone can restore the balance.”
21
KAE
“Focus, Kae.”
I open my eyes solely to shoot a scalding look over my shoulder at Abaddon. “I’m trying.”
He refuses to acknowledge my frustration, only choosing to stare at me with the same blank expression he’s had since the moment we met on this cliffside two hours ago. It’s as if he’s switched all of his emotions off.
Honestly, I don’t know who I’m more upset at.
Him, for pretending that he feels absolutely nothing towards me, as if he wasn’t giving me ‘fuck me’ eyes just last night. Or myself, for getting turned on so easily by the angel…
And for the fact that I’m unable to a) figure out how I managed to connect with Abaddon’s tethers in mysleepwhen I can’t do it consciously, b) identify where my soul begins and ends, and c) find my apocalypse leech and strangle the son of a bitch.
Yeah, I think I’m most mad at myself.
Which is terrible for my ability to focus.
It’s difficult to block everything out, but I can with enough concentration. I close my eyes again, breathing in the unnatural, earthy breeze.
Forcing myself inward is an unpleasant, unnatural feeling.
It’s like I’m holding my breath underwater, lost in a pitch-black sea, desperately seeking an anchor… And for what must be the fifteenth time today, something cold and listless grazes my mind. I physically recoil from the sensation. The best I can compare it to is the feeling of a stray fish, unexpectedly bumping into your leg as you’re trying to enjoy a nice swim.
“I just keep running into other people’s tethers,” I complain quietly, trying my best to retain my focus in the process.
“Continue to ignore them. Focus only on the depths of your own soul.”
“But what if they’re coming to me because of something important? Fate, or whatnot?”
“They’re not. If you’re not finding locusts, then you’re noticing your unreachable connections. You have many tethers to people on Earth that cannot pass the gates to the Abyss.” A pause. “And you’d know if it were mine.”
“How would I know?” Because he still feels all those complex emotions, and they’d be impossible to miss? I knew it. He’s?—
“Concentrate on yourself.”
I huff indignantly. “That’s what I’ve been doing. Clearly, it’s not working.”
“Then let’s try something different.” I hear him shift behind me, seeming to come closer. “Go for the star first. If you can find it in the core of your soul, then perhaps you can spread outward from there.”
“Is it going to attack me?”
“I can’t say for sure. Possibly, possibly not.”
Great. Love that. What do I have to lose, though? I’m making zero progress. I can’t go back to square one when I’m already there.
“Fine. I’ll try it, I guess.”
