He leans across the table, on his elbows, invading my space. His face is too close to me for comfort and I can smell him – which is definitely not helping.
It’s almost like he’s taunting me. Perhaps he thinks that if he gets close enough, he’ll get his way.
Maybe that’s how it is with him. That’s probably how he bags all the bloody men. But why is he using this technique on me? There’s no way he has any clue that I’m bisexual; no clue that I could be interested. Not that I am. I’m not interested in him.
‘I’m all good here,mate. Go back and enjoy… Johannes. You’ll have a better time without me.’ I absolutely hate the way that comes out. I should have just left it after saying I’m all good. Now he’s eyeing me like the cat that’s got the cream. He doesn’t know, I tell myself. He doesn’t know. This is just feeding his already massive bloody ego.
‘Oh.Ohhhh.’He’s grinning now, his massive bloody ego inflated even further. ‘Green isn’t your colour, handsome.’
I make a show of looking down at my navy shirt and frowning in confusion. ‘Are you colour blind?’
‘Arise, oh green-eyed monster, and join?—’
‘Screw you.’
‘Ha! I knew it!’
God, I hate how smug he looks.
‘I knew you were enjoying the show. Thanks for confirming that one at least.’
‘Congratulations, Sherlock. I’m bisexual. Alert the media. What do you want, a medal?’
Why am I so bothered that he knows? It’s not a secret. I’ve just never officially announced it to the public. But if anyone asks, I don’t try to hide it.
It’s the way it makes him smirk that pisses me off, like he thinks I’ve been checking him out. Which I haven’t – apart from just now, of course.
‘Wow, racing is really queer this year.’
I don’t ask what that means. I’m obviously aware of me, him and Johannes, but I wasn’t in the know about anyone else. Didn’t even have an inkling. There was one good way that he’d probably know who else wasn’t on the straight side, but I couldn’t bring myself to think about it. Not too hard anyway. I’m sure tonight, when I can’t sleep, I’ll probably be turning the idea, over and over, of Harper sleeping with other drivers.
‘Does anyone really care anymore?’
None of the teams come across as particularly homophobic. If they are they’ve kept it in their garage.
‘I have one of the best gaydars going, and even I didn’t realise you were bi. Don’t you realise that you present straight, or do you do it intentionally? Every third comment on the Instagram page when they post anything about me or Johannes is regarding our sexuality.’
NowthatI didn’t know. I didn’t want to seek it out either, there was no desire for me to read the gross words I’m sure some shitty fans might be throwing around.
‘Well, maybe it’s just because I don’t get papped falling out of clubs with obvious hook-ups, or with my dick out in the street,’ I say.
I know this is only half the story, but Harper really doesn’t help himself.
‘So, it’s my fault? I deserve to be trolled by ignorant fuckwits? I deserve to get death threats because I’m not doing yoga alone in my room at 3am?’
‘That’s not what I’m saying. I?—’
‘Whatareyou saying? Because right now, all you’re doing is ruining the vibe. I invited you to relax and enjoy yourself, not to sit here in judgement like some dried-up old prune.’
‘Yeah, that’s right, blame me. It’s alwaysmyfault, isn’t it. When will you learn to take responsibility for your own actions? Some of us take our careers seriously.’ I’m so worked up now that I can’t stop myself. ‘I knew coming here was a mistake. I don’t know what they were thinking when they put you on the team. You’re nothing compared to Elijah. You’re a bloody child.’
I see the impact of my words on his face and I instantly regret what I’ve said, but it’s too late now. It’s far, far too late.
‘Whatever you say,Grandpa. No wonder all anyone can talk about is when you’re going to retire. At least your dad went out with a bang. I’ve stepped in puddles with more personality than you.’
I know I probably deserve that, but he has a way of cutting to the bone that plays on all my insecurities. For a second, I’m speechless.
All I want now is to be out of here.
