Enough, Walker! For fuck’s sake.
I don’t know what to tell Cole. He’s my eyes and ears when I climb in the cockpit so I should probably be honest about where my head’s at, but there’s no way I’m admitting any of this. Denial it is!
‘Just trying to get myself in the zone. Forgot my earbuds and I’ve got a bit of a headache coming on.’ I rub my temples for good measure. I can feel the stress tugging at the back of my head, making my forehead feel tight. Good thing it’s only practice – the final one before qualifiers – but not race day.
‘Let me get one of the runners to grab you something with electrolytes in it, so you don’t start to flag; down it and then get going,’ he says, signalling to one of the team to grab a drink from the fridge in the garage.
If only electrolytes could flush Harper out of my system.
One of the elite performance coaches that Hendersohm brings in says that sometimes the only way out is through. You can’t avoid a problem forever, nor can you find a way around it; you have to accept the truth and face the problem with courage.Let yourself feel it, but keep pushing through, he used to say. If Harper is my problem, then…
Shit. Maybe the only solution is a naked rematch. Maybe that’s the only way to get him out of my system.
One of the guys comes running over with my favourite brand of sports drink – the blue flavour. I offer him my thanks but he’s already being called off to do something else.
‘It’s only practice,’ Cole reassures me. ‘See what happens out there and then bring your absolute A game tomorrow. Get some laps in to shake off whatever’s eating away at you.’
And now I have images of Harper eating me out. Thanks Cole, super helpful.
I feel immediately guilty, because how could he possibly know?
‘Yeah, thanks, mate. I think I must just be a bit dehydrated.’
For the walking thirst-trap that is Harper James.
Cole gives me an odd look as I continue to chug the sports drink. He points out something on the monitor playing footage from this morning. I’m waiting for my allocated turn on the track but Yorris, Johannes and the two McLaren Swedes have already done their laps. They’re my biggest competitors this season, I reckon.
I should probably be including Harper in that running order, too, since he’s in the top five positions more than he’s not. I hate to admit it, but he’s doing better than Elijah did at this point last season.
Cole and I look for ways that our competitors’ cars betray them and point out micro-errors that indicate where their weaknesses are when driving. Especially with the Swedes, who are brothers. They work so well together as they try and box off P1 and P2 – precisely what Harper and I don’t do. I’m constantly on the lookout for opportunities to slip past them or to maintain the lead. The older brother, he’s fearless, with a killer instinct on the track. It’s like a natural gift. The younger brother can sometimes be induced to panic if you put enough pressure on him. He’s the weaker of the two, and I’m always confident I can take him.
It’s an interesting dynamic, siblings racing together. I’m glad I don’t have to do it, that’s for sure. Elise is as tough as they come and I’ve always looked up to her, but she’s got the killer instinct of a buttercup.
‘Feeling ready to get out there?’ Cole asks after I drain half the bottle of blue liquid.
I nod. I need a great practice session to put me in a good headspace for the qualifiers tomorrow. To make sure my head’s in the game.
Balaclava secure and helmet donned, I climb into the cockpit. My second home. Cole’s voice snugly back in my ear; the familiar cadence of his breathing is calming as I wait to be told I can go.
Miami’s track might be newer, but it was my favourite to race last year. It’s just three long straight runs that I know how to exploit to my advantage, and then some elevations on certain bends that feel thrilling to fly over.
The flag drops for me to go and the main man is already chattering encouragement in my ear.
‘Push mode, push mode,’ Cole’s saying and I ramp up the throttle and tear down the first straight. ‘Oh, and Kian? Try to have fun, won’t you?’ That has me smiling and laughing to myself as I brace my body against the G-force of the first bend.
Free practices are so much fun in Miami. The sun might be blaring down on us, but there’s an atmosphere in the arena that lifts me out of my funk of the last thirty-six hours as I zoom past the stadium that houses the Miami Dolphins. I notch up the speed and feel the car respond, and that’s when the fun finally kicks in.
I’m trying not to think too hard about anything other than my foot on the gas, my hands on the steering wheel, and the way the moulded seat hugs my body. I mentally catalogue anything that doesn’t feel right on the tracks, passing on the info to Cole who will work with the technicians ahead of tomorrow’s qualifiers. Finally, I start to feel like myself again.
I pull into the garage after fifteen laps and climb out, discussing with Cole and the team what tweaks we can make for tomorrow that will address the sluggish third quarter. Cole and I then look at the specific data and I give him my overall report on today’s session.
Those fifteen laps are all I needed today. Sometimes I need more, but I’m good for today. I’m glad my schedule is packed. I need to keep this positive mindset and the flow that I found on the circuit. I have a big ‘from the track’ interview to do for ESPN and then I’ve got a gym session with my personal trainer followed by an evening of sports massage and stretches. Perfect.
I love my routine. It keeps me sane – and winning.
And then I walk into the interview and am completely blindsided by the host introducing a set of questions on my father. I look around for Anna. This is definitely not on my list of approved topics. It’s actually on the blacklist, the only thing on there that Anna knows to emphasise with anyone wanting to interview me.
‘We had Tyler Heath on earlier this morning, talking about how the first part of the new season is going for you and the line-up at Hendersohm. What do you think he had to say about your performance?’ Kelly Sikes asks. She was one of my favourite sports presenters to watch, until now.
