‘What are you doing?’ Johannes almost growls across the booth.
‘Going home. This was a stupid idea.’
I feel bad about abandoning him when he’s drunk, but then again, that’s exactly what he did to me in Miami the night he dropped me for his mystery man.
‘You going to be okay?’ I ask, because even so, I don’t want to be an asshole. He’s still my oldest friend.
‘Yeah, fine. Maybe I’ll get doubly lucky!’ I’m not so sure about that, but at least it makes me feel more comfortable leaving. Twin 1 gives me a thumbs-up and it’s clear he’s going to take care of Johannes from here. I pay the bar bill on the way out and suggest that they stop serving my drunk friend, but whether they will or not I have no idea.
I just want to get back to Kian.
* * *
‘Hey,’ I say, poking my head around his bedroom door the second I get back to the motorhome. His face is illuminated by the light of his phone and I catch the moment he realises I’m home.
Shit, I’m an idiot. It’s not like he was trying to tie me down to marriage or lock me in his room forever. He was literally just asking me not to sleep with anyone else while we’re hooking up.
He wasn’t being unreasonable,Iwas. I knew that even at the time, but I really know it now.
I don’t need to sleep with anyone else if I have him. That’s more than enough. Not that I’m acquainted with the word. Going from nothing to the high life of motor racing, it doesn’t feel like anything could be enough – sex, alcohol, money, success. But the way I’ve been feeling with Kian, the way I feel when we’re … when we’re just spooning … it’s a kind of emotional comfort I’ve never had before and I … like it.
WhoamI? I barely recognise myself these days.
‘Hey,’ Kian says.
It’s not much, but he shuffles over in his bed to make room for me and I feel my heart squeeze. I step out of my shorts and whip my T-shirt over my head, discarding them on his bedroom floor to his utter annoyance.
‘Can I get in?’ I say as I hover by the edge of his bed. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so unsure about being mostly naked and about to get in bed with one of the hottest men in the world.
Kian flips up the covers and pats the spot next to him. I climb in, instantly feeling refreshed by how cool his sheets are against my limbs. It feels clean and good and almost calming. We lie face to face, not touching, my mind racing a mile a minute because I’m not quite sure what to say to him.
I know I was coward earlier. I know I should apologise. I’m just not sure how. It’s not something I’ve done a lot of before.
‘Good night?’ Never have I ever heard two words spoken so cautiously. Almost like he’s afraid of the answer.
‘No.’ I shake my head and feel him relax his head into the pillow. ‘I’m sorry,’ I finally say. Bloody hell! It should have been the first thing I said when I came into the room.
‘It’s okay?—’
‘No, it isn’t. I completely freaked out. You weren’t asking anything unreasonable of me. I just panicked. That’s my issue, not yours, and I shouldn’t have just run out of here.’
‘What did Johannes want?’
‘He didn’t want to talk so I don’t know. He was already drunk when I got there. He had his eye on a pair of twins.’
‘Twins?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Identical?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Hot?’
‘Yeah.’
‘But you’re here.’
