‘Is he okay? What the hell, man! I was blind out there.’ I know, in the back of my mind, that it’s not Ash’s fault and he has orders he has to follow in the garage, but I’m desperate.
‘We never report accidents unless there’s risk to your car. You know this,’ he says calmly. It’s impressive, actually, how well he’s handling my reaction.
‘It’s Kian! Not some random. I deserved to know.’ I’m raising my voice now, and everyone’s staring. My paranoia is screaming at me that they’re all figuring it out, that they all know what’s been going on, that we’ve been rumbled and it’s all my fault – it’s always my fault – but I don’t care right now.
‘Can someone take me to the hospital?’
‘You need to finish up here first, son,’ says Anders. But he can fuck off with that ‘son’ business. He’s never once said it to me before and he doesn’t get to now just because I’m clearly having some kind of freak-out.
‘I don’t care. I just want to see him.’
‘I’ll go with him,’ Cole says, stepping in. He and Kian have been close for years, so I’m surprised he isn’t as ready to go as I am. ‘I’ll get us a car right now.’
‘Okay, okay,’ Anders finally relents. ‘We’ll have Anna give a statement to explain why you disappeared. She can give it a good team spin – how you wanted to be at the hospital to make sure Kian was okay.’
I couldn’t give a crap how he spins this or how it makes the team look, I just need to see Kian. I need to see that he’s okay with my own eyes.
In the back of the car, with the driver partition locked, Cole spills to me everything he knows. He tells me that Kian was breathing and alert when they got him out. Initial track-side assessments showed no signs of any broken bones or a concussion. That last one is always important, and means the helmet and the halo did their jobs.
My breathing’s rapid and I will my heart rate to slow down. He’s as okay as he could be after a crash, but I won’t believe it until I see him for myself.
‘He looked worse than he was – lots of blood, but they said it looked to be just cuts and bruises. But you know protocol means he needs to be properly assessed and they need to check for any internal bleeding.’ I’ve known this for years – every driver does – but hearing Cole say it out loud is reassuring, and it gives me time to collect my thoughts.
‘I have to say, I’m surprised,’ he says, when we’ve been sitting in silence for a minute or two.
‘Surprised how?’ I ask.
‘That you’re so concerned. I know you and Kian have put your differences aside during the European leg but I didn’t know you were …close. I didn’t know you were actually friends or whatever.’
Or whatever, indeed.
ChapterTwenty-One
Kian
‘Elise, I promise, I’m okay. The doctors have done thorough checks and nothing’s broken. It’s just a few cuts and bruises,’ I reassure my overly worried sister for the fourth time in this phone call.
‘God, I’m so glad I didn’t let Cassie watch this one. I have no clue how I’d have explained it to her.’
It’s a relief to me, too. Even at almost four years old, Cassie’s way too young to be worrying about anything in her life.
Plus, I also hope to get her in a kart one day and that can’t be done if she’s afraid because of something that happened to me.
‘They’ll let me go after the concussion period has run out, but please, honestly, don’t worry about me.’ My sister has way too much already on her plate to be worrying about. I’ve noticed that in our recent calls she’s quite short in reporting to me about Mum.
I tell myself it’s because the kids are growing up and every time she calls there’s more to say about them. Jesse’s grasping more words every week and tottering around like the toddler he’s becoming and Cassie’s a ball of artistic energy who loves painting and making things with clay.
I’m missing so much. It makes retirement seem that little bit more appealing.
‘Are you listening to me, Ki?’
I clearly wasn’t. ‘Sorry, what did you say?’
‘I asked what happened. Even I know that was a bend you can do in your sleep.’
She’s right. More than. I’ve never had any issue on this course the last fourteen times I’ve driven it. But I can’t tell her that the guy I’m falling for won’t even go on a date with me. I definitely can’t tell her it’s Harper James. She’d kick his ass.
‘I don’t know what happened,’ I lie. I absolutely hate myself and the guilt that eats me up as the lie continues to spin. ‘I don’t know if I just misjudged how sharp it was or if there was a problem with the car.’ It was neither of those things; my mind just wasn’t on the track.
