‘Kian Walker, racing legend, your hero and the love of your life.’
‘Don’t.’ Not that word. Not right now. Maybe not ever. It holds too much power over me and I’m afraid of what it will do to me this time.
‘Harper, man, it’s okay. Kian’s a good guy and you can’t shut him out because you’re a bit scared.’
A bit scared? Understatement of the bloody century. The thought of opening my heart to Kian, even a little, makes me shudder.
But, when I look a little deeper, I realise he’s already there. He’s wormed his way into every tiny space. It’s too late and I know it.
‘Oh, you big idiot.’ I’m grateful when Johannes doesn’t say anything else on the subject and pulls me into his broad chest instead. His scent hasn’t changed in the many years I’ve known him. His clothes always smell freshly washed, like a true clean-linen scent that mixes nicely with the soft scents of vanilla and sandalwood in his cologne. It’s almost comforting as I take a big sniff, my hands fisting the back of his vest.
I need this. My best friend and his brilliant bear hugs. I’m nestled neatly into this arch of his shoulder when I spot the hickey.
Punching his arm, my voice comes out a little screechy. ‘Who’s the big idiot now? Is that what I think it is?’
He laughs before going round to the other side of his bed, sliding back under the covers. If he thinks he’s getting away with this, then he’s having an absolute laugh.
I shuck off my jeans and climb into bed with him.
‘Was he at least hot? Or is this the guy who’s been stealing your attention?’
He tries his absolute best not to react, but his whole face cracks into a grin that he can’t contain. Blimey, he must have been good.
‘No comment.’
That only makes me more suspicious and I’m desperate to push him, but I’ve kept Kian from him for months. If he needs to hold a little secret in, I’ll let him. For now.
We’re both tucked under the duvet, looking up into the darkness. I’d say it’s quiet, but I can hear both of our minds running wild.
‘Kian Walker,’ he mutters before we both start to laugh like absolute maniacs.
It is kind of insane, I guess. Kian’s always said to me he doesn’t care if people know he’s bi, but he’s never openly said it and he’s definitely never had a boyfriend in public before. Not that I’m his boyfriend.
‘You remember when we went to Silverstone, what, eight years ago? Or was it nine? And you tried to get his attention from the crowd when he was signing autographs after his race?’
Of course I remember, but there’s no way Kian would ever be finding this out. Especially not now.
‘Nope, never happened.’
‘Oh, but it did, and when the two of you sort this out and we all become friends, I’m looking forward to telling him every single detail of how you screamed his name and cried when he won.’ Because of course my best friend is going to absolutely torture me.
‘If.Ifwe sort this out. I don’t even know what there is to sort right now. I’ve been kind of a prick.’
‘Shocker. What’s new?’ I strike the back of his calf with my cold foot and he winces. ‘Yep, definitely a prick.’
‘Aren’t you meant to be comforting me through this heartbreak or whatever.’
I don’t even know if this is heartbreak. All I know is that I’ve never felt this kind of despair about anyone before, and when I think too hard about Kian being done with me it makes it impossible to breathe.
‘I’d rather help you come up with a way to fix it than throw you a pity party.’
It’s late and he’s probably right, but that doesn’t stop us staying up for the next two hours talking about the grand gesture that will fix our relationship. It’s almost perfect when we fall asleep and I’m beyond excited to see Kian’s face when it all falls into place.
For the first time in ages I feel hopeful, so very hopeful as I drift off into a peaceful slumber.
Only to find myself being shaken awake by Johannes what feels like no less than five minutes later.
I hardly even have time to crack an eye open when he’s waving the bright screen of his phone around.
