* * *
‘Good work out there,’ Anna says from where she’s sitting a little too cosily next to Cole. ‘Guess that media training finally paid off, you little shit. Almost had half the pit in tears.’
Well this is new. Making the team proud. Wow.
Anders is shaking my hand like a maniac. I’ve probably just made him a ridiculous amount of bonus money – and myself, which will help in paying off the blackmailing dickheads who my agent had to bribe – but he does actually look proud of me, too. He seems to be a good guy. There aren’t many people I trust. I’ve never had reason to. But the therapy’s starting to help – I can see that; I can feel it. Maybe it’s working because I’m older now, or maybe it’s because I have a reason to want to be better. Maybe it’s time to take a risk off the track, too, and trust some people.
‘Sir, I’d like to ask permission to do something you might not like.’
‘Considering you’re asking, rather than just doing it and letting me find out about it from the press tomorrow, then I’m almost bound to say yes. Within reason. What is it, son?’
‘I’d like to fly back to the UK tonight. I’d like to support Kian at the funeral. He needs someone and?—’
‘And that person should be you?’ He raises a sceptical eyebrow at me.
‘It should.’
‘Sure thing, kid. We’ll get you on the next plane out of here.’
ChapterTwenty-Seven
Kian
‘Ithought I’d find you in here.’ Elise’s quiet voice in the doorway scares the crap out of me. She lingers in the darkness, only illuminated by the glow of the TV.
The volume’s on low, but the subtitles tell me everything I need to know. The race is coming to its conclusion and I’m trying not to watch it.
Sure enough, I’ve heard my name way too many times for someone who’s not actually competing. They even talked about Mum and I’d cried into one of my sister’s decorative couch cushions.
‘Apparently, even when I’m not there I still can’t keep away.’ She joins me on the sofa, tugging a blanket over both of us. It might only be mid-September but we could both use the comforting warmth.
It just reminds me that we probably need to talk about what we’re going to do with this place. The land all belongs to Mum, so soon, once we get probate, it will be ours. I have a cottage on the edge of the estate and Elise and Grant have their house that they’ve been renting out for the last four years while they were caring for Mum. I don’t know if she’ll want to stay in this house.
But Elise has raised the kids here since they were born and I know there are just as many happy memories as sad ones, even though they’re not top of mind at the moment. I’ll support her in doing whatever she wants.
I’m even thinking about moving back into the cottage if I retire at the end of this season. It would be perfect for just me. I could escape everything, but still only be a forty-minute drive from Norwich town centre. It’s just a two-bed cottage, but I love the living room and kitchen. I renovated it a while back, but kept all the period features like the sliding barn doors to the pantry and the beams on the ceiling. It has an incredibly cosy, homely feel. Maybe I’ll get a cat. Maybe some chickens. Who knows. The world is going to be my oyster supposedly when I retire at the ripe old age of thirty-four.
‘Do you wish you were there?’ she asks as the race starts.
‘It’s weird that everything just carries on like it did before Mum died. Like, doesn’t the world know that this major thing has happened? But no, I’m not sorry to be here with you.’
I’m not resentful that I’ve had to come home. There have been so many moments of relief to be here with my twin, if I’m truly honest, but I also have terrible FOMO. I definitely miss being behind the wheel. I miss the way different tyres grip the track. I miss being in control of a powerful engine and constantly smelling like rubber and petrol. I miss the adrenaline high and the importance of every split second during a race. How do you not miss a job that’s been your whole life for the last fifteen years and beyond if you count the many years of youth karting I did?
Yet this seasonhasbeen different. In more ways than I care to admit right now.
‘I can’t tell you how happy the kids are to have their uncle KiKi home.’
‘I think, um, I think I might be home more often after this season. I think. Don’t say anything to anyone else. I’m not a hundred per cent yet, but I’m getting close.’
Elise dives at me and crushes me into a hug. ‘Oh, Kian,’ she murmurs into my shoulder like I’m giving her the best news ever.
‘I know,’ I reply as she pulls back. ‘I’m just … I think I might be ready to say goodbye.’ It seems like a common theme right now, saying goodbye – to Mum, to my career, and to the guy who could have been the love of my life.
Mum did always use to say that things happened in threes. Rain, thunder, and lightning. Three’s a storm, she’d tell us when we were little. Very apt for this moment.
‘You know we’ll support you no matter what, right? Whether you come home for good or for a year, or not for another few years, we’ll all be here.’
‘Don’t make me cry, Elise. My eyes have never hurt so much in my whole life.’ Ever since the flood barriers opened, I’ve hardly stopped. It’s like Niagara Falls coming out of my tear ducts.
