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“Do you wish it hadn’t?” Anne asked.
William wanted to say yes. He wanted to break her heart and send her on her way. But there was no harming Anne for him. Not really.
“I wouldn’t wish away a moment with you.” William ran his thumb over the fleur-de-lis pattern. “I love you, Anne,” he admitted with defeat. “Probably always will.”
Anne picked herself up and brushed the dust off of her pants. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this harder.”
“It doesn’t get any harder. It is what it is.” William looked up at her from the floor and sighed. “And if you ever change your mind, which you won’t, because you’re bloody stubborn.”
Anne laughed softly.
“But if you do…” William rested his head back against the books and watched her expression for a moment. It would’ve been easier to deal with anger than this resigned sadness. Passion had somewhere to go. Sadness just… faded everything out.
He glanced down at his hands and waited for her to leave. The sound of her heeled boots walking out of his life might’ve been the worst thing he’d ever heard. And there had been men who screamed at night in prison.
Then, William pulled his phone out of his pocket and returned Detective Jeffers’ call.
Chapter Thirteen
Every night since Anne had left William in the bookshop, she had imagined his hands on her body, his arms around her, and his velvet voice whispering in her ear. She’d hoped that by cutting off all contact, she could erase him from her life once again.
But she couldn’t. He was with her permanently this time, in every moment and every breath, and now she would have to live with the ache of loss that she’d created herself.
Work was non-stop. The past few days had been intense work, chasing leads and working together in groups. The entire team had come together, pitching in whatever they were best at. She was still the primary, but for the first time, she was seeing the other detectives look to her with expectation in their eyes. They knew she was making the right calls, and it meant the world to her.
Anne would lose that if they ever found out about William. Or she assumed so. They had been nonplussed in general when she’d told them that she couldn’t go back to him for information, due to the increased risk to him. That was a common bond between the detectives. It was hard to protect a source when things started to heat up, and no one wanted to be the person to get a source killed. In her case, she thought that if William died, she might die as well. Not that she could give up with Michelle and Evie depending on her, so living dead it would have to be.
Anne was pretty close to that as it was. Every day was the same arrangement. Getting up Evie, talking about the schedule with Michelle, leaving Evie with the sitter, going off to work. The sad thing was that it had been this way for years, but only now did it seem as though her life was lifeless. She didn’t even get to see Evie nearly as much as she’d like, often only when she was getting up or going to bed.
“Don’t punch me if I ask this,” Michelle said.
Anne set Evie’s breakfast in front of her. “When was the last time I punched you?”
“I dunno, you’ve been looking like you wanted to punch something for a week.” Michelle took her plate to the sink. “Ever since—”
“Don’t, Miche. Please?”
Michelle leaned back on the counter and looked at Anne with annoyed half-lidded eyes. “Why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“Something was clearly heating up with William again—”
“Miche, I swear—”
“And you were happy for like, a millisecond, and now you’ve kicked him out, and you’re miserable again.”
“I am not miserable. We’re all just working really hard on this case.”
Michelle threw her hands in the air. “You’re always working on a case! You’re never just living your life. I know being a cop is important, but I think you use that so you can get out of actually having a life of your own.”
“Too harsh, Miche,” Anne said.
“I’m sorry, but no. You lived for me, and you live for your job, and you live for Evie, but you won’t try to have a relationship because… I dunno. You tell me. How bad could it be if you tried to make it work with William and it didn’t work?”
“Then, Evie has to deal with her father figure walking out the door?” Anne argued. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Why not? Evie already has to legit deal with her actual father not being here because you haven’t told him he’s a dad. He wasn’t bad at it, either.” Michelle held her hands up. “I know babysitting isn’t parenting, but he hasn’t had a chance to do it. And I wouldn’t be saying anything if you didn’t genuinely seem unhappy. I just want you to try to be happy. No mom has to put her own life on hold just because she’s a mother.” Michelle paused. “Our mom didn’t. Mom dated. Mom had a career she liked. I just don’t want you to not to get to have a life. I already felt bad that you had to put your life on hold to be my mom.”
