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I felt bold in that moment, in the fact he wasn’t stopping this. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pressed my chest against his. My breasts rubbed seductively against the hard muscles of his pecs, my nipples hardening even further. And then he groaned softly and tilted our heads at the same time, deepening the kiss. I couldn’t help the small mewling sounds that came from me.
As if the noises I’d made had reality snapping back in place, Matthew pulled away. His breathing was erratic and his lips were red from our kiss. We stared at each other for several long moments. What would he do? What would I do?
He glanced at my lips, his gaze growing heavy-lidded.
I wanted more than another kiss. I wanted his naked body pressed against mine, wanted his hands on me, stroking, caressing … pushing my thighs apart. I wanted to feel him settling between my legs, the erection I’d felt against my belly just moments before being pushed deep inside of me.
I reached for him again, but he shook his head and moved away. Hurt and embarrassment slammed into me and I felt my face become hot as I stared at him.
“Matthew?” I whispered.
He shook his head and closed his eyes, the expression on his face seeming like he was in pain.
“I can’t, Ivy. This isn’t right.”
My throat was so tight and dry, humiliation filling me. “But it feels right.” The words spilled from me.
He stared at me, looking like he wanted to continue, like he wanted to say more, and here I was, my heart on my sleeve and the world falling away.
“It doesn’t matter, Ivy.” His voice was so deep, so gruff. “I’m your uncle.”
“Step-uncle.”
He shook his head again. “I’ve known you since you were a little girl, and wanting you the way I do, kissing you, touching you…” He moved away another foot and I felt on the verge of crying. “This whole situation is wrong on so many levels.” He ran his hand over his jaw. “I’m taking advantage of you.”
Shock filled me at his words.
Taking advantage of me?
Had I heard him right?
“But I want this. I want you, Matthew.” I licked my lips. “I love you so much.”
“Shit, Ivy. My sweet girl.” He took a step toward me and I sucked in a breath, thinking this might happen, he might be with me, tell me he loved me.
“I’ve wanted you since you turned eighteen. But my feelings for you aren’t right. They cross lines.”
We were still so close, but I was afraid to touch him. He looked down at my mouth and I thought he might kiss me, that he’d give in to these desires. But then this mask covered his face. He’d built that wall around himself, closed the door on this … on us.
I was so embarrassed. How could I face him after this?
He kept his head down for a moment and then shifted to look at me.
“You don’t want me.” I said that as a phrase, not a question.
“It isn’t that I…” He ran his hand over his jaw again before continuing. “It isn’t that I don’t want this, want you, Ivy.” The way he looked at me was intense, but he was holding himself back.
“I want you too, Matthew,” I said honestly.
He closed his eyes and made this deep sound in the back of his throat. When he opened them again, I could see there was pain hidden behind the dark depths.
“I want you, Ivy, so fucking much and that scares the shit out of me.” A moment of silence passed between us as those words hung in the air. “But it’s wrong to desire you. The relationships that would be ruined if I went through with my needs, my desires for you…” He didn’t finish speaking, just shook his head and looked torn. “But despite all of that, knowing it’s not right to touch you, think about you in the way I do, I can’t stop the way I feel.” He reached out and touched my cheek. “I love you. I’m in love with you.” He smoothed his fingers along the curve of my jaw before running over the outline of my lips.
He looked at me like a man in love, like a man … lost.
“I may not be able to stop the way I feel, but I can stop my actions, keep this from going any further than it already has.”
And just like that, just with a few softly spoken words, my world crumbled around me.
* * *
Matthew
I was a fucking shitty person, an asshole brother, and there had to be something wrong with me for not only wanting my step-niece, but for crossing that line and kissing her.
I’d seen the look on her face when I walked away, when I stopped it all. She’d been so desperate for me, her love reflecting in her expression as she stared up at me with wide eyes, parted lips, and rosy cheeks.
