The manor is so quiet now, painfully so. I long for the beat of her feet pacing the floor in her room, the way she’d almost skip down the last few stairs. I miss the perfect sound of Apollo’s perky meow behind her door. I walk into the kitchen and I see her there, destroying the tidiness with pancake batter or reading tarot cards with George, but it’s always another dream. Another punishment I deserve to endure.
I’ve been to mausoleums with fewer ghosts. My family used to be all I needed, but now I know what I’ve missed. My solitude was a lie I told myself to bandage what was far too painful for me to want to name.
I can’t escape her.Wouldn’t,even if I could. I hear her soft whimpers in the wind blowing at night. See the brilliance of her smile in the sun cresting the horizon at dawn. I dream I am wrapped around her in the softness of my bed, her head cradled on my chest, our hands held tightly as we fall asleep. Then I wake, and my soul cracks in two.
I love her.
I love her, and now I’ve ruined the only good thing to come into my life since Moira.
I can’t wander those empty halls anymore. Can’t bear to see Edgar, Angela, and especially George, with their sad looks and pity, like I didn’t become the monster others had always claimed me to be. Instead, I prowl the streets of New Malcolm, climb the tallest skyscrapers, and just… watch.
36
KAYE
I’m not supposed to leave the cathedral, but New Malcolm calls to me and I am helpless against it. Not when every moment, awake or asleep, triggers some new, half-formed scene in my mind. I know now that they are memories. Pieces fall into place every day, but for every connection that is forged, two more form in its place.
How many pieces of myself will it take before I become a whole person again? I may never know. The serum Cooper gave me has filled my cells with a power so strong it is almost explosive. It hums along my veins, heightening my senses and expanding my ability, but it will still take time for my mind to fully heal. Patience is a virtue I never possessed.
The rungs of the ladder freeze my hands as I climb. I should have brought gloves, but a touch of my power drawn to my palms is enough to ward off any damage, and each new grasp is followed by a small puff of steam. The first snowfall of the year dusts the air around me, coating my shoulders and hair. I release a little laugh, my eyes widening, as I take the first step onto the roof and really take in the view for the first time.
The skyline is decorated in light-drowned stars, and clouds that swirl around the waning crescent moon. It’s so beautiful.It’s the people—thesoulof this place—that makes it so unique. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.
“Kaye?”
My heart skitters at the sound of that voice, my body growing hot and tense. I am thankful for the grayscale filter the shadows and moonlight provide as I turn to face him.
Charade—Zane—sits about twenty feet away, his back against the glass, one leg tucked into his chest. His hair is ruffled. Shadows line his features like a broken man.
He climbs to his feet and I instantly step away.
“Don’t go,” he says, his hand held up between us in a silent plea.
“That’s close enough, Charade.” My hand grasps the metal rung on the ladder, anchoring me. “Not another step.”
“Okay.” Both hands raise now, his shoulders rolling as his back presses into the wall behind him. “Please stay. This roof is big enough for both of us. You call the shots.”
Whether it’s the exhaustion written in his expression or the desperation ringing in his voice, something that has nothing to do with superpowers compels me to stay. I pick my way carefully across the roof, never turning my back on him. I hate leaving the safety of the ladder behind, but I couldn’t stay in the same place either. I came up here looking for something I can’t even name. As perverse as it is, it feels closer with him near.
“How’s Apollo?” he finally asks. “I miss that fuzzy little asshole.”
I smile despite myself, and the image of his fuzzy gray face shredding a vibrant purple sheet hits me. I stagger.
“Kaye?” He’s on his feet again, having taken more than a few steps closer to my perch.
It’s my turn to throw up a hand. “I’m okay. I didn’t realize that you… that I…”
My head spins as my axis rights itself.
“They come when I least expect them,” I explain. “I’m never prepared for the power of it.”
He nods, his gaze dropping to our feet. The feeling clears as I train my eyes on the skyline again.
“I came to the cathedral,” he says. “Did they tell you?”
“No,” I sigh, but it doesn’t surprise me. The Angelis team takes protection to a whole other level, especially Fulton. She is like a storm blowing in on a summer night, intense, beautiful, and dangerous. The kind of woman who will do anything for the ones she loves. The kind of woman you can’t help but love back.
“I wanted to apologize. Kaye, there are no words for what I did. It was unspeakable, and I am so sorry—fuck. I know I’m fucking this up. That no apology I could make could ever—but if you let me, I will spend every moment of every day fighting to make this up to you. I willneverhurt you again.”
