Page 24 of More Than Friends

“You think?” Jude asks, closing the distance until he stands at my side.

I look up at him from the ground. “I do. Except she’s way cuter.”

He laughs and doesn’t even pretend to be hurt by my comment. We settle into a quiet moment as we both focus on Ava. She’s still happy as can be as she finds her toes and attempts to put them in her mouth. I try not to smile at the area Jude’s created for her. She rests on top of a pile of throw pillows, her little body wedged comfortably between them so she can’t get into any trouble.

“What am I going to do with a baby?” Jude asks from my side. His voice breaks a little, and it’s the first time I see a crack in his demeanor. I know him well enough to know he’s trying to hold it together, but it’s a lot to take in. Jude’s as carefree as they come, but even he has limits, and it’s clear that a baby getting spontaneously dropped off at his doorstep might be his.

I get so lost in worrying about him that I forget to even respond to his question. He lets out a sad laugh, breaking me from my thoughts. “I can’t even make her a bottle of milk without second-guessing myself. I’m not cut out to be a dad. And I definitely don’t know how to do this alone.”

“Hey.” I place my fingers against his cheek, pulling his attention to me. When his eyes find mine, I smile. “You’re not alone. You have me. And lucky for you, I’m great with babies.”

I take the formula canister from his hand before standing to my full height. I was a bigoops!for my parents, so all of my four siblings are quite a bit older than I am. The oldest, Carly, had her first baby when I was only twelve, so I grew up taking care of her kids. I love kids, and I’d do anything to help Jude.

“We’re going to start out giving her six ounces and go from there. She might not drink it all, she might want more, but we’re going to start with that. Your water is filtered, right?” I ask, setting the formula on the counter and looking in his direction.

Jude just stares at me for a moment before nodding. “Yes, it’s filtered.”

I give him what I hope is a confident and reassuring smile before turning on the sink. I let it run for a moment before sticking my fingers under the stream of water to test the temperature. “We’ll probably want to get a formula dispenser or at least a bottle warmer, but for now, I’m just going to test it on the inside of my wrist to make sure it isn’t too hot for her to drink.”

Jude still doesn’t say anything. All he does is stare at me with an unreadable expression. Eventually, the uneasiness of the quiet between us gets the best of me. Once I get the bottle filled with six ounces of water, I set it on the counter and aim my gaze at a silent Jude once again.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” My words come out soft and unsure. I stare at him, waiting for him to answer me. I can’t even begin to imagine everything that’s going through his head right now, so I don’t push him to talk before he’s ready. I just wait patiently, my gaze staying trained on him the entire time.

Eventually, he looks from Ava to me. He swallows slowly before opening his mouth to speak. “You said we’ll probably want to get a formula dispenser.”

I frown a little, wondering why his words come out hoarse. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s just that I though?—”

Before I can get the rest of my words out, Jude is closing the distance between us and stopping right in front of me. He lifts his hand as if he wants to touch me before letting it fall in front of him.

“You said…we,” he says, his words coming out so quiet it’s almost as if he’s in disbelief. “You said we, and it’s the first time I didn’t feel completely alone in this.”

FOURTEEN

JUDE

Charlotte blinksa few times before her eyes scan my face. “Of course I saidwe,” she whispers. Her hands twist in front of her as if she’s trying to find a way to keep them busy. “You’re not in this alone. Not unless you want to be. If you want to handle this alone, just let me?—”

I cut her off by pulling her body against mine. My arms wrap around her as I pull her in for a hug. I didn’t realize just how badly I needed a hug from her until this moment.

Her arms hang at her sides for a beat before she tentatively lifts them and wraps them around my middle. I let out a relieved sigh as I tuck her head under my chin.

I don’t know how long we stand there. It could be seconds, it could be minutes. Neither one of us moves for the longest time. Ava stays content the entire time, too entertained by trying to get her feet into her mouth to care that the bottle is taking a while.

“I don’t want to handle this alone,” I tell Char, keeping my arms tight around her, even though I know I should probably let go. “I don’t know if I even knowhowto handle it,” I admit, hating how weak and hoarse my voice sounds with the admission.

The reality is, I don’t know how to take care of a baby. I don’t know the first thing about kids. It’s new and foreign, but my biggest fear in the world now is letting down the baby girl who is depending on me to figure it out. Ava deserves a dad who gives her everything, and in giving her everything, I have to admit to myself—and Charlotte—that I don’t think I can do this by myself. Not in the beginning, at least.

“I’m here,” Charlotte tells me, pulling me from my thoughts. Thoughts of all the different ways I can fail my daughter.

“I know it’s a lot to ask of you, and you have every right to tell me no, but I think I really need your help, Char.” I pull away, even though every part of me wants to keep her in my arms. My hands drop to my sides, and I stuff them into my pockets before I give in to the temptation of pulling her body against mine once again.

She gives me a smile before looking over at Ava. My gaze follows hers, the two of us lost in our own thoughts for a few moments.

“I’m here, Jude. I’m not going anywhere.” I feel her timidly place her hand against my chest. The simple touch pulls my gaze from Ava as I focus on Charlotte once again. She smiles, as if my attention is exactly what she wants, before she opens her mouth to speak again. “You’re stuck with me. We’re going to figure this out. And the first thing we’re going to do is feed Ava and then run to the store and grab all the things she needs. How does that sound?”

I nod, having to swallow past the lump in my throat. I’m not normally an emotional person. My default setting is to be silly and casual. I’m not used to being run by my emotions, but now I’m being overrun with so many of them at once that I don’t even know how to handle them.

All I know is I want to be the best dad possible to Ava, and I know the first step in doing that is to accept Charlotte’s help in that.