Page 28 of More Than Friends

Ava can’t lose her.

It hasn’t even been a day, and she’s already made all of this easier. I don’t even want to think about what all of this would be like without her. I can’t imagine it.

“I think he needs to get you the pink bearandthe puppy,” Charlotte says in a higher pitch than normal as she talks to Ava. Her words break me from my thoughts before my eyes connect with hers.

She smiles, completely unaware that I was lost in thoughts about her.

“He’s got lots of money,” Charlotte continues. “If you play your cards right, he’ll buy you anything you want.”

I smile before stepping closer to them and tapping Ava’s tiny button nose. “Anything for my baby girl.”

Charlotte bites her lip before her mouth spreads into a wide smile. “She’s going to be so spoiled, isn’t she?”

I lean closer and place a kiss to Ava’s cheek. I didn’t think about how leaning in to Ava would also bring me closer to Charlotte. My lips linger against my daughter’s cheek for a moment before I step back. “Of course she’s going to be spoiled. I’ve got to make up for her somehow being stuck with a dad like me.”

Charlotte’s lips turn into the smallest frown as her blue eyes scan my face. “She’s notstuckwith you. She’s lucky to have you.”

I lift a shoulder before grabbing the teddy bear and the stuffed dog and tossing them into the cart. It’s our third cart; the other two sit at the front of the store, ready to be rung up whenever we’re done. I’m hoping I have everything I’ll need for Ava. I don’t want to mess this up, and buying as much as possible makes me feel slightly prepared to take on my new role as a dad. Truth be told, I don’t know if Ava is lucky to have me or not. I hope one day she’ll think so. I’m going to do my best to make that a reality for her.

Charlotte takes a step closer to me, and my heart soars when Ava reaches her arms out, making it seem like she wants to be handed over to me. I outstretch my arms and take my daughter, everything in the world feeling right the moment she’s in my hold again. I expect Charlotte to take a step back after handing her over, but she doesn’t. She stands close to me, her eyes pinned on me in the middle of the toy aisle. Ava squirms in my arms, but I can’t look away from Charlotte’s earnest blue stare.

“Avaislucky to have you.” She keeps her voice strong, and something about it makes me believe that she might actually mean what she’s saying.

“Ava hasn’t known me a day. I still have plenty of time to fuck this up.”

“You’re trying. That’s all that matters. She’s lucky to have you, Jude. I believe it. I know she’ll believe it. And I hope someday soon, you’ll believe that too.”

I look at the ground because I can’t stare into her eyes for another second. Not without showing emotions I don’t want her to see. It’s been such a whirlwind of a day that I haven’t even been able to really process what all of this means and what all is going to change. It also means that I haven’t had time to let the doubt creep in too much, although I know it’s only a matter of time until it does. I don’t know when—or if—I’ll ever feel confident about raising Ava, but Charlotte has a point…I’m trying my best.

And my best is all I can do.

I look at my daughter before running a hand over her small head. She watches me closely, looking completely content and not at all scared about the fact that she’s been placed in my care.

I hear the sound of some more items being placed in the cart, but I don’t break the moment with Ava. I can’t. My baby girl stares up at me like I’m the only thing that matters in this world, and I have to swallow a lump of emotion as a realization hits me.

I’m truly all she has, and I’m going to make damn sure that’s enough for her.

When I look up, I find Charlotte watching us with her hands clasped next to her cheek and a warm smile on her lips. “Ready to check out?” she asks, keeping her voice soft.

I nod. I don’t even remember everything we’ve thrown into the cart since we got here, and I know I don’t know how to use half the things Charlotte insisted we needed, but I feel better now that we’ve gone shopping. It feels good to have more than just the duffel bag full of clothes she was dropped off with.

“Let’s go buy all your new things, baby girl,” I tell Ava, leaning in to press my lips to her temple and following Charlotte and the cart to the checkout counter.

SEVENTEEN

CHARLOTTE

“Motherfucker,”Jude curses before running his hand through the longer strands of his hair at the top of his head.

“Maybe we should read the instructions?” I offer, trying to fight a smile. Ava is fast asleep in my arms, completely tuckered out from all the shopping, which is a good thing because her dad isn’t being quiet at all about his feelings toward putting together the Pack ’n Play.

Jude glares at me before attempting to shift one of the pieces. “I shouldn’t need directions. It’s basically four walls, and that’s it. It shouldn’t be this hard to put together a little baby cage.”

My lips twitch as a laugh threatens to escape, but I fight it off by burying my face behind Ava’s little head. We got back from the store two hours ago, and once we sorted through everything and fed Ava again, we figured the first thing we should put together is the portable crib so Ava has somewhere to sleep that isn’t in our arms. Jude’s been trying to figure out how to set it up for almost an hour now, and no matter how many times I offer to look at the directions, he shoots my idea down every time.

“A little baby cage,” I mutter. I tilt my head to the side. “It really is basically a baby cage.”

The laugh finally escapes me. I try to keep it quiet so I don’t wake up Ava, but it does completely rattle out of me. Jude’s eyes meet mine, and for a moment, I think he’s going to be upset, but instead, his face breaks out in a grin. He tosses his head back and lets out a laugh. It’s loud, and it’s the first time I’ve really heard him laugh today.