Page 33 of More Than Friends

I risk a glance over my shoulder and find him watching me with wide eyes. He almost looks scared, but I know that can’t be right. Jude Kensington doesn’t get scared. He barely even gets unsure. I give him one more smile before getting out of his way for the evening and walking to my car.

The entire drive back to my rental, I can’t get the mental picture of him out of my mind. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure he was scared. Was it the right thing to leave him alone tonight? I thought he’d want to be alone on his first night with Ava, but maybe it was the opposite.

I fight the urge to text him, offering to come back once I’ve gathered my things. If he wanted help, he would’ve asked. I need to leave him alone.

But still, even as I get home and slip into a hot bath, I can’t forget the fear I swear I saw in his eyes.

TWENTY

JUDE

“It’s okay, baby girl,”I whisper, bouncing back and forth as I try to settle my daughter.

It doesn’t work.

Nothing’s working.

Every time I feel like I get her to sleep, she’s up twenty minutes later, crying all over again.

Ava lets out a loud cry before burying her face against my shoulder. I know she has to be exhausted.I’mexhausted. I just can’t figure out how to get her to stay asleep.

I continue to rock back and forth at a pace so fast that I’m wondering if it’s maybe too much for her. Charlotte had mentioned I might want a rocking chair in Ava’s nursery when we have time to get that set up. I’ve already come to the decision that as soon as Ava gets to sleep and we reach an acceptable hour of the morning, I’ll be calling around to find a rocking chair that can be delivered today. It’s a necessity. Although the constant rocking back and forth and pacing the room with Ava in my arms has made my legs burn the same way any workout with my trainer would.

Ava cries again before spitting out the Binky I just got her to finally take.

“What am I doing wrong?” I grumble.

All Ava does is cry again, clearly unable to understand or answer my question.

The night started out great. Well, kind of.

I wanted to ask Charlotte to stay the night tonight. I know Ava ismydaughter and that she’s my responsibility, but I’m still learning what it takes to raise a baby, and Char’s just so good with her. Truthfully, I was nervous to be alone. The moment my front door closed, I considered running after her and confessing my anxiety about this first night.

But I let her leave. I already had a victory by getting her to agree to stay here for the summer. I didn’t want to ask too much of her and scare her away. For a couple of hours, Ava stayed fast asleep. I watched her closely on the monitor, watching her little chest rise and fall on the tiny screen to make sure she was still breathing. Eventually, I climbed into bed and continued to watch her sleep on the monitor before exhaustion from the day took over, and I drifted off to sleep myself.

I couldn’t have been asleep long before Ava finally woke up.

She’s barely slept since.

It’s our first night together, and now that I’m alone, I can’t even get her to stay asleep on her own. Charlotte made it look so easy. Ava’s persistent crying and squirming show it isn’t, in fact, easy at all.

I’m terrible at this.

I continue to shush her, wondering if it’d be frowned upon if I turned up the volume on the white noise machine in the room. Maybe that’ll help make her sleepy and stay asleep? Fuck if I know.

I look down at my daughter, and my chest constricts because of how tired she looks.

“Just go to sleep,” I plead softly, wishing she’d listen. Instead, it has the opposite effect. Her bottom lip juts out and trembles before she lets out a loud wail.

“Maybe you’re still hungry?” I ask, wishing she could actually answer me. All of this would be so much easier if she could just tell me what’s bothering her.

I try my best to bounce up and down in the same rhythm that Charlotte showed me earlier. It does nothing to calm Ava. If anything, she lets out an even louder wail.

“Okay, we’ll try the bottle again.”

I walk over to my nightstand and grab the bottle from the edge. I continue to rock Ava back and forth, even as I take a seat on my bed and get comfortable. I hold her at the angle Charlotte told me to and press the tip of the bottle to Ava’s lips.

Instead of drinking it, she blows a loud raspberry before thrashing her head back and forth.