Page 55 of More Than Friends

Jude sits at his desk, his glasses askew on his face due to how his cheek is pressed against his office chair, and he’s fast asleep. It’s funny that I never even knew he wore glasses until recently—he always wore contacts—but the lack of sleep and leaving the house has him wearing glasses most of the time. I both love it and hate it. I love it because he looks phenomenal in glasses. I hate it because he looksphenomenalin glasses. I already start my mornings with a pep talk on why I can’t fall for my best friend. Him walking around in a slutty pair of glasses doesn’t help with that.

My eyes move from his sharp cheekbones and angled jaw down to his chest. Ava lies against it, also fast asleep, her little butt in the air.

I have to pull my eyes away from him for a moment because I can’t handle the sight of him sleeping so peacefully with his daughter on his chest. It makes my heart flutter and my body warm with how incredibly adorable it is. My ovaries basically scream at the sight.

His laptop sits open in front of him, but it’s since gone to sleep, showing a screensaver instead. He makes my heart soar all over again, and he doesn’t even know it, because his screensaver is a picture of the three of us.

It’s a selfie I took that he insisted I send to him. We were all lying on the couch one day when I couldn’t help but snap aphoto. When he asked me to send it to him, I never imagined he’d make it into his computer’s screensaver.

This is another thing I both love and hate. I think it’s incredibly sweet that of all the photos he has, especially all the ones I’ve sent him that are just Ava, or just him and Ava, he chose one that included me. I can’t help but love that. But I’m so conflicted, because all I can think about is what Lucy said when she first learned of Ava. It does feel like I’m playing house with Jude. I wouldn’t change it for the world. I want to be here with him and Ava, but with every day that passes, it does feel like we’re becoming this little family, which is incredibly dangerous for my heart.

I let my gaze travel over Jude’s face as he sleeps peacefully at his desk. I soak in the opportunity to really get a good look at him when he can’t catch me. From the very first day I met Jude, I thought he was one of the most attractive men I’d ever seen. The problem was…he was hot, but it was clear from the very beginning that he was a womanizer. I knew how men like him worked because I’d dealt with them before. They charm you, make you feel like you’re the most interesting and special woman in the world, and the moment you finally give in and sleep with them, they’re gone.

I didn’t want to do that with Jude. I knew Cal and Lucy were inevitable, and if I wanted to still see my best friend even after she got a serious boyfriend, I needed to get along with her boyfriend’s best friend.

So I wrote Jude off from the very beginning. He was a member at Pembroke anyway, and I could use that as an excuse to keep him at arm’s length. I told him I didn’t date members, which wasn’t technically a lie. I hadn’t ever dated a member before. But if he wasn’t Cal’s best friend, I might’ve been foolish enough to think I’d be the girl to change him from playboy to committed in no time.

The more time we spent together, the more I genuinely started to like him. It was hard not to. He quickly became a good friend of mine. I liked spending time with him. And once everyone left last summer and he was still here, it felt right to keep seeing him. We flirted because it was fun, but it was clear we both knew we wouldn’t be more than friends.

And then…we kissed, and everything changed. I don’t know if it was the kiss, or Ava showing up, or a combination of both things, but all the reasons I used to think it was better for Jude and me to just be friends no longer make sense.

Yes, he’s a playboy. He’s charming and appears not to take anything seriously, but that’s just what he wants you to see. I think he’s never settled down because he doesn’t want to get hurt. When he cares about something, he caresdeeply. That has become obvious with his desire to be the best possible father to Ava. Now that I’ve seen this side of him, I think Jude would be an incredible partner if he wanted to be. And sometimes, by the way he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking, it makes me wonder if things were different, uncomplicated, that maybe he’d want to try with me.

I close my eyes for a minute, needing a break from looking at his perfect features.

A harsh realization sets in as I realize it’s too late.

I want things I shouldn’t want when it comes to Jude Kensington.

I want itallwith him.

I want to be his friend. His best friend. The kind of best friend that you fall in love with because things between you are too perfect.

I want to try for a future and to make things serious and to give the two of us a real shot.

But I can’t want those things. Not when I can’t ask him to try with me. His focus needs to be on Ava, and I understand that.I don’t want to make things more complicated. Plus, I know it hasn’t been long, but I love Ava as if she were my own blood. It’s impossible not to. I don’t want to try something with Jude, and something bad happens between us, and then I never see Ava again.

That would destroy me.

I open my eyes and let out a long sigh before looking at my feet for a moment. I know that it’s for the best that I continue to not act on my feelings for Jude. He doesn’t needcomplicatedright now. It’s just getting harder and harder not to take things further.

When I look back at Jude, I find his eyes slowly opening. The moment our gazes connect, he gives me a lazy smile, and I have to stifle a groan at the sight of it. It’s perfect. He’s too handsome for his own good, and I can’t handle it. Not when he smiles at me the way he is right now. Not when he makes me feel like no other woman matters to him.

I think not falling for my best friend is going to be impossible.

THIRTY-THREE

JUDE

I blink a few times,wondering if it’s actually Charlotte standing in my office doorway or not. I don’t know if she’s really there or if it’s just a dream. She stares at her feet, her shoulder resting against the doorframe as she seems to be deep in thought.

I use the opportunity to just look at her. I’m still in that in-between state of being asleep and waking up, and I’m not confident she’s actually there. It’d make sense if I were just imagining things. If I’m not thinking about Ava, I’m thinking about Charlotte. It’s impossible not to constantly think about her. Her never leaving my mind has bled into me dreaming about her as well.

Maybe this is just another dream. No matter if it’s real or fake, I allow myself to really look at her for a few seconds without being caught.

She wears her Pembroke uniform…thedreadeduniform. The one that taunts me every morning when she goes into work and every evening when she gets back. The hem of it always dances along her upper thigh, making me think about what it’d be like to push the fabric up her skin to reveal more of her to me. I hate the thought of her wearing it all day at work, but I keep my jealousy to myself. She doesn’t need to know the envy that boils deep inmy gut when I think about her wearing that short skirt all day on the course, around the other members. I don’t want her to wear a skirt for anyone but me, and the daydreams I’ve had about her wearing nothing but that pleated skirt for me are happening far too often.

Charlotte pulls her gaze from her feet, and the moment our stares collide, I can’t help but smile. I don’t know how to explain it, but life just always feels a little better when Charlotte looks at me. Maybe it’s because it feels like she sees a version of me others don’t, or maybe it’s because no matter how hard I try to fight it, I’m developing feelings for her. Either way, I let the feeling in for a moment instead of trying to stifle it the way I always do.