Page 58 of The Bitter Words

“Found him.” Her voice sings.

Bren’s eyes are cast to the floor and his nose wrinkles up. “Ah fuck, bro. You tossed your cookies all over the place.”

Leon picks up the towel and throws it over the mess. “Cash is pretty sick.”

“You better not hurl your shit in my car.” Bren hikes his thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the front door.

“I won’t. There’s nothing left in me.” Or in this case, there’s nothing leftofme.

I’m dead inside. With every breath I take, nothing but dust remains.

Livianna takes my hand and weaves her fingers with mine. “Oh, Callum. You’re shaking and clammy. We need to get you into bed.”

A dreadful smile curls from Leon’s lips. “Yes, that’s probably the best thing for him. All he needs is a little sleep. Once he feels better, everything will be perfect again. Isn’t that right, Cash?”

I glare spears of hate at Leon as she leads me out of the house of horrors.

Bren’s already in the car when I slide into the back seat. I lie down, stretching over the entirety of the small space.

Livianna buckles her seat belt and peeks back between the seats. “Just tell us if you need us to pull over.”

I ignore her and place my arm over my eyes to hide from her, hide from them, hide from life. They chatter incessantly about the night before as my tormented mind goes through question after question.

Why did I come when Leon was doing that to me?

Why did my body betray me?

Did I like that shit?

Was I asking for it?

How did I let that happen?

Why did I let that take place?

Should I tell someone and fuck the consequences?

No, I can’t do that. There’s no way I’ll take the chance that Leon Baker or anyone, for that matter, touches Livianna.

Who would believe me that it was a sexual assault after they saw the video, anyway? There wasn’t a moment on the film where I seemed distressed or disinterested.

Not even close. Quite the opposite, actually.

Now what? I can’t say anything. There’s nothing I can do.

I signed my life away to the devil in a tailored suit who promised to make my dreams of Mayhem come true. Fuck if he didn’t deliver on the pledge that Mayhem came to life.

I can’t believe I didn’t see the red flags. They were there.

The things Leon would allude to. Fuck, my uncle even warned me there was history there. I didn’t pay attention to his trepidation.

No, I was a know-it-all boy who thought he was indestructible. Test me on that belief and I’d beat you into a bloody stump. Hell, I have the rap sheet to prove it.

By the time we get to my house, I’m a sweaty, shivering speck of a man. I climb out of the back seat, telling Livianna to stay in the car because I don’t want to expose her to anything.

I don’t give her eye contact and I barely get the words out to thank Bren for the ride. They both wear thick wrinkles of concern on their faces.

If they only knew the truth, those would be a lot deeper and the worry would be more like a look of disgust instead.