Page 116 of The Jaded Notes

Sub drop.

She’s having a Sub drop. I should have known it would hit her this way. Livianna may fight me with every ounce of her defiance, but when she finally lets go, she’s the most sensitive woman I’ve ever held.

When she surrenders the fierce control she wields like armor, she becomes raw nerve endings and exposed emotion.

Fuck.

I should’ve seen this coming. Of course, her system would crash hard after such an intense first experience.

I rock her gently, whispering to her and letting her cries bleed out until the wails soften into shuddered breaths. My chest is damp with tears. My arms ache from how tight she needs to be held, but I don’t let go.

“You’re safe,mon trésor.” I kiss her forehead. “Every piece of you.”

She remains shaky and tense. She needs more.

“Hey, look at me.” I cup her face, forcing her glossy eyes to meet mine. “What you’re feeling right now is normal. Your body just released a massive flood of chemicals, and now it’s trying to find its baseline again.”

“I feel…” She struggles for words through the tears. “Empty. But not the good kind anymore. Like I’m hollow. All the darkness inside me is taking me under.”

“That’s the drop. It’s temporary.” I pull the soft blanket around both of us, creating a cocoon of warmth. “Your brain is convinced something is wrong because the endorphin highis fading, but you’re not broken. You’re not damaged. This is your nervous system recalibrating.”

I reach for the chocolate I always keep nearby, breaking off a piece and pressing it to her lips. “Small bites. The sugar will help.”

She takes it obediently, and I continue the aftercare ritual that’s as important to me as it is to her. Water, gentle touches, and constant reassurance.

I check her wrists for any chafing from the restraints, massage her shoulders, and keep talking to her in low, soothing tones.

“You were incredible tonight.” I rub the salve my company produces, the same stuff used in all the Beckett’s clubs, into her skin. “You’re so brave. So trusting. I’m honored you let me be the one to take you there.”

Gradually, her breathing evens out. She melts against me with a soft sigh, and I know the worst of the drop has passed.

But now my own reckoning begins.

The call from my executive team came yesterday, the one I’ve been dreading for months. My companies in the States are hemorrhaging without my direct oversight.

The deals I’ve been managing remotely are falling apart. They need me back in California, and not just for a quick visit. It’ll be for six months—possibly longer.

The timing couldn’t be worse. Not when Livianna is just finding her footing with her brand. Not when we’ve finally built something meaningful between us.

Her lashes flutter, eyes swollen but luminous as she peeks up at me. “Why are you so good to me?”

Because you’re the only thing that matters. Because you’ve ruined me for anyone else. Because I’m about to destroy this sanctuary we’ve built by telling you I have to leave.

But I don’t say any of that. Not yet.

I ease her down against the pillows, pulling the blanket tighter around her shoulders. I press water to her lips, kissher forehead, hold her, and let the quiet do the work words can’t.

When the trembling subsides altogether and she’s curled against me with that fragile trust still etched in her expression, the weight of the truth presses against my ribs.

“Jax?” Her voice is small and uncertain. “Are you okay? You’re tense.”

I realize I’ve gone rigid against her, my mind spiraling through impossible choices. “I’m fine. Just focused on taking care of you.”

But she knows me too well now. She shifts in my arms to study my face, and I see the exact moment she recognizes that I’m holding something back.

“What aren’t you telling me, Jax?”

The question hangs between us like a blade ready to slice us apart. I could deflect. Change the subject. Take her back to bed and distract us both with pleasure until morning. But she deserves better than my avoidance.