Page 28 of The Jaded Notes

“You already came clean earlier, bro. You’ve been out of your head for a while now. Tonight just proved what we all knew.”

I twist toward him, defensiveness flaring. “Then why the fuck are you following me?”

“Because I give a shit. Because you’re my brother, even when you’re a train wreck.”

I bark a hollow laugh. “Well, congratulations. You’ve got front-row seats to the meltdown of the century.”

“Cash.” His tone cuts through my sarcasm. “Look me square in the eye.”

Against my better judgment, I do.

“Cash, you’re not okay. We all know it. We’ve known it for a long time. But what you said at soundcheck today… That was the first time you let any of us in. You’re not just the frontman; you’re family. Fuck, bro, we’re all family and we’re fighting like one that’s about to split up.”

“I guess that lands on me.”

“No.” He gives me a pointed stare. “It lands on the fucker who’s torturing you. You going to let him win?”

“Fuck, no.” I blink fast, swallowing the building emotion. “But what if all I am is nothing but damage?”

“Then we work with the mess. We rebuild. You may be a dick, but we’re here if you’ll let us be.”

“Even if there’s nothing left of me?”

“There’s always something left.” He wipes his face with his towel. “I’ve seen you fight before. You used to fight for everything. For her. For us. You’ve still got that fire in you. You just don’t know where to aim it anymore.”

Silence thickens between us as I try to come to grips with what he’s saying.

I let my head fall back against the wall. “I’m so fucking tired, Coop. I’m tired of carrying it all. There are so many lies. The weight of it all… He’s got me where he wants me, and I can’t escape.”

Cooper’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t ask who. He doesn’t pry. Just nods like he understands more than he lets on.

“You don’t have to carry it alone, Cash.”

“I don’t know how to let it go. If I don’t do something…” I shake my head. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Then find your balls and start with one thing.” Cooper claps a palm against the top of my shoulder. “It’s one choice. One step and we’ll be here for you. We always have been.”

My chest tightens as if some invisible pressure is finally forcing its way out. I stare at him, searching for a reason to push him away.

But there’s nothing.

Cooper has always been the no bullshit constant. The heart beneath the chaos, ready to tell me what I need to hear. He’s another person who never gave up on me even when I gave up on myself.

I nod to show him I hear him. It’s the beginning of something.

“Thanks, Coop. I’m gonna go back to the hotel and shower. Hopefully, I’ll sober up some.”

He smiles and releases his grip on me. “Come find us after. We’re ordering food. Real food. Not this backstage catering bullshit they serve us.”

“I’ll be there.”

He struts off and leaves me alone in the corridor, lights buzzing overhead. I slide down against the wall again. Not in defeat this time, but in thought. It almost feels like a promise of my rebirth.

Maybe I can’t fix the past, but I can fuse the future with something cleaner and cutting. Something fucking vicious enough to kill the devil who haunts me.

And I know exactly where to start.

Leon fuckwad Baker.