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I knew the woman staring back at me was far from perfect, but at least I was no longer at odds with the stranger she’d been.
Maybe in a different world, I would have been fortunate enough to have a life full of laughter and love from the beginning. My hands wouldn’t have been permanently stained red.
But I didn’t, and I was okay with that, because I would have never belonged in that world. It didn’t matter who my mother was, because I never knew h
er, and nothing would change that.
I didn’t care who my father was, because I’d never had one. I felt nothing, only relief that I wasn’t an incestuous fuck toy, although that didn’t make me feel better about what was done to me.
Submerging myself in warm water and a variety of bubbles, I leaned my head on the rim of the tub and shut my eyes.
It felt good being able to think clearly without going into a tailspin.
My mind wasn’t so much of a chaotic war zone with the animal inside me wide awake and learning to thrive, no longer locked in a cage. I was exactly where I needed to be. It took a lot of dead bodies to get here, but I’d do it all over again if I had to.
I was born a freak, now turned into a deviant Savage.
I was the devil’s queen.
The devil was my king.
I’d found my peace in his world of darkness.
I woke up beneath a warm comforter and a semi-dark room. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep; I’d sat down for two minutes after getting out of the tub.
I could hear voices—lots of voices.
Hopping out of bed, I quickly dressed in the clothes still in the bathroom. My skin smelled like the variety of bubbles I’d dumped in my tub water. After a quick brush of my teeth and hair, I smoothed on black eyeshadow and left the room.
The second I shut the door, I spotted Romero. He was standing on the stairs addressing a house full of people. Some wore the masks and robes; some didn’t.
I stood back and watched him work the crowd. It was obvious that these people adored him and everything he represented. When he talked, they listened as if they were entranced, and when he moved, they followed as if they were compelled. I leaned against the door, content to stay in my little bubble for a few minutes longer.
“Cali.”
I blinked when he popped up in front of me.
“You zoned out on me, baby.” He linked our hands together and led me towards the stairs. Music was playing from somewhere, and the smell of food made me weak in the knees.
“Did I miss something?”
“Only that everyone is losing their shit because you’re home and having my kid.”
“I missed all that?” I had to damn near yell to be heard.
“Cali, you should have your skinny ass in bed and be pigging out. You’re exhausted. And don’t try and fucking bullshit me, I can see it.”
Fucker.
He led me to the sofas and sat me beside Arlen.
“Stay here; I’ll be back.” He disappeared into the masses without explanation.
A few minutes later, he was back with a plate of delicious goodness and a bottle of water. He dropped down on my other side and handed me the plate.
I bit into the juiciest burger in existence and almost moaned. I didn’t even care there was an onion on it. The meat was thick and healthy looking, unlike the flat mystery burgers The Order used to consume.
I swallowed my mouthful and looked over at him. He and Grimm had their heads bent in conversation. As I turned my attention back to my plate, Dhal caught my eye.
