Page 55 of Once We Were Starlight

They poured three glasses of the pale bubbly liquid and I followed suit when they both raised their flutes. “Happy New Year,” Braxton said. “To happiness. To abundance. And to Karys’s new life,” he said. “Happy early birthday.”

“Hear, hear,” Claire said as they both sipped their drinks. I took a small sip of mine, coughing when I inhaled some bubbles through my nose. I’d forgotten January first was my birthday. I’d only learned it six months before. And now I was officially going to be an adult. To Karys’s new life, Braxton had said. Did that mean my old life was officially gone? And what happened if I wasn’t ready to let it go? Would it disappear anyway like a blossom on a sudden gusty breeze?

When Braxton and Claire left for their party, I stood at the window, looking at the clear cold night beyond, missing Zakai so desperately I could hardly bear the pain. Where was he? We hadn’t spoken since that day in the storm. I’d waited. I’d hoped. But he hadn’t contacted me once. Was he cold? Hungry? Where was he staying? I felt lost and adrift. The anger I felt had died down to ashes and scattered in the winter wind. Half of me was gone.

A man and woman walked by on the street below, laughing and talking, their heads bent together against the cold. I watched them disappear out of sight and then I went to the computer, opening up a tab and looking up Giselle Blanchet. Several pages came up, the first one obviously her modeling agency. There was a page of models she represented and I scrolled through their faces, one more beautiful than the next, pulling in a small breath and stopping when I saw Zakai, his eyes staring at me from the screen, a small smirk on his gorgeous face.

He was working for her. Was he living with her too?

I clicked to the tab that said, “contact,” and without allowing myself to change my mind, I dialed the number listed under Giselle’s name.

My heartbeat quickened and my breath staggered as I waited, the dial tone loud in my ear. After a moment a woman’s voice came on the line. “Giselle Blanchet.”

I froze, my mouth opening to speak but no sound emerging.

“Hello? Who’s there please?”

“Uh, hi,” I finally croaked. “This is Karys Grant. I was . . . I thought—”

“Hello, Karys. How did you get this—” She made a tsking sound. “Oh damn, I forgot I was having my work calls forwarded here today.” A pause. “I suppose you’re looking for Zak.”

Zak. For a moment I was confused, but then realized she was using a nickname. “Yes,” I squeaked. “I was hoping you could help me get in touch with him.”

“Of course I can. He’s living here. Hold on.”

My stomach dipped as she held the phone away from her mouth and called, “Zak, love, are you out of the shower or still in bed?” A door opened and I heard what sounded like the pounding of water in the background and Zakai’s muffled response.

He was in the shower. Naked.

And she’d just walked into the bathroom.

It told me all I needed to know.

I clicked the end button on the phone, my breath emerging in staggered exhales as I tried not to cry, a losing battle I was not strong enough to fight.

Outside the raucous sounds of horns and cheering rang out into the night. Others were celebrating while I slowly died inside.

**********

“Karys, wake up,” Braxton slurred. I blinked, disoriented with sleep, the room coming into focus as I sat up. I’d fallen asleep on the couch. My eyes felt gritty and tight with the tears I’d shed as the world outside celebrated.

Braxton sighed, sitting down on the couch and boxing me in. I scooted over as far as I could. “Did you have fun?” I asked.

Braxton let out a laugh that ended in a hiccup. “Too much.”

“Oh.” I managed to sit up a little bit, propping my back against the throw pillows behind me. “Where’s Claire?”

Braxton massaged his forehead and then grimaced. “She went home. She’s mad at me.”

“Why is she mad?” I shook my head, attempting to cast off the exhaustion making me feel heavy and out of sorts. I just wanted to crawl into my bed and go back to sleep. I wanted to shut off the world, the visions that were again beginning to filter in at the edges of my brain of Zakai naked in Giselle’s shower and the knowledge that their relationship was such that she felt no hesitation in entering the room. Even hours later, the vision felt like a dagger to my heart.

“Claire is mad because she expected a ring and a New Year’s Eve proposal.”

I bit my lip, confused for a moment. Proposal. “Of marriage, you mean?”

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