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Jules’s presence was a spanner in the delicate gear-system she and Nico had established. It was like being reminded of all she’d left behind, of her family and her work and her old dreams. Everything she’d sacrificed for her baby.
The following morning, Marianna stood in the kitchen after she’d hidden the porcelain cat in the refrigerator along with another funny little note.
A small knock startled her. Jules stood at the entrance, looking no more rested than he had last night. “I was told I’d find you here.”
“And here I am.” She wrapped her arms around herself protectively.
He came into the room and leaned against the cabinet next to her, reaching out to tug on the end of her ponytail. The action made Marianna smile. She had years of memories with him. Years of wondering if he might try to kiss her one day, if he might have any of those niggling curiosities about what it might be like to cross over the threshold of friendship into something more. But he never had. Neither of them had ever made a move.
“Are you happy?” he asked.
The question startled her. She and Jules had talked about many things over the years, but relationships were never really a topic of conversation. Neither of them were terribly experienced in that area. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Wouldn’t I be a terrible friend if I didn’t ask that?”
“I think I’m happy.” She knotted her hands in front of her.
“You don’t sound confident.”
Didn’t she? It was a tough question. Her being in Corfu and living with Nico was not the life she’d planned for herself. If she was being truly honest, perhaps it wasn’t the life she’d wanted. But their situation was what it was, and it could be a hell of a lot worse.
“It only proves I was right to come here.” He reached for her hand. “You deserve better than this, Mari. You deserve better than thinking you might be happy instead of knowing you are happy. I get why you’re doing this, but don’t you see how you’re trapping yourself? Marriage isn’t supposed to be between strangers.”
“People get married for all kinds of reasons,” she pointed out.
“Is that what you wanted?”
“No.” She shook her head. “But I didn’t plan on getting pregnant, either, and now that it’s happened I…I’m excited to meet my baby.”
“And what are you going to be teaching your child about love by marrying someone you don’t even know?” Jules closed his eyes. “I know I should have put this in an email, but I’ve been going crazy without you. We haven’t spent more than a week apart since we were seven. I miss you.”
Marianna blinked, the sudden prickle of tears taking her by surprise. “I miss you, too.”
“You don’t have to do this.” He looked at her imploringly. His light eyes were ones she’d dreamed of as a teenager, but she never admitted her feelings to him. The risk of losing him had always been too high a price to pay. Their friendship had always come before her desire, and eventually friendship became the only thing she’d wanted from him. “You can get the wedding annulled and come home with me.”
With him or with him?
“I will do whatever I can to help you raise the baby,” he said. “You can move in with me. I’ll be a father to him or her.”
“And how is that any different than what I’m doing now?” she asked, shaking her head. “At least here, Nico can be involved. You can’t claim staying here is selling myself short and then propose the very same arrangement.”
“It’s not the same,” Jules said.
“Yes, it’s exactly the same.”
“Marianna…” He swore under his breath. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she said. The words were automatic. They always had been. Jules was practically family. “You know that.”
“Then let’s end this charade now.” He squeezed her hand. “I thought I could handle you being here…doing this. But I can’t. It hurts too much not having you home where you belong.”
“You know why I’m here.”
“We don’t need his money. We can take care of the baby without him.”
“Do you have any idea how much it costs to raise a child? You do computer repairs, and I’m a broke Ph.D. student…was a broke student. We’d never be able to raise a kid like that.”
“I don’t care, we’ll make it work.” He pulled her closer and threaded his hands into her hair, pulling her face close to his. “When I say I love you, I don’t mean like friends,” he whispered.
Shock poured through her system. Jules had never made a move on her, never hinted that he might be attracted to her. They were childhood friends who’d managed to stick together though their paths in life had diverged early on. He’d stood by her side at her mother’s funeral, cheered her on at every one of her graduation ceremonies, sat at the hospital with her that time she’d broken her wrist.
He was entangled in every memory. Threaded through her whole life.
