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Allison shushed him. “Come on, let’s get to school before we’re late.”
“Maybe he’ll show up after lunch. Once he gets some rest.”
“Or maybe he went to the hospital when he got up this morning. You never know.”
“Not helping, Allison.”
“Sorry.”
I walked aimlessly with them into the school. I peeked over my shoulder just before we walked inside, and there was no trace of him. We took up our usual spot outside of my locker, my head on a swivel for him. And while my heart refused to give up hope, my mind already had. Rationally, my mind knew he wasn’t coming. Maybe not for the rest of the week. Maybe not ever again. I wouldn’t blame him for that, either. Running away and never coming back.
I wanted to run away and never come back.
Allison linked her arm through mine. “Come on, it’s homeroom time.”
I wandered through the day aimlessly. Listlessly. I didn’t pay attention in my morning classes or even take notes. I sat at the back of the classroom and worked on homework, trying to knock it out. Because I knew once I got home, I wouldn't be able to focus. I felt hollow. Empty inside. Like someone had shoveled out my soul and replaced it with helium. I was late to classes because I kept pausing in the hallway, letting my mind take over and memories rip me back into the past.
I missed Clint more than I could stand.
My heart continued to remain optimistic, though. Because apparently, torturing me wasn’t enough. I stared out the window of class and counted down the minutes to lunch. That was my only remaining hope. That Clint would simply show up for school late because of a doctor or a need for sleep or another brawl with his father, and I’d see him at lunch. My eyes followed the hands of the clock. My teacher’s voice stayed muted the entire time. After quickly finishing my homework for the night, I abandoned all thought processes and relegated myself to the spinning hell of my mind.
Of my heart.
Of the war raging between the two.
The bell rang and it ripped me from my trance. I gathered up my things and made a beeline for the door and raced toward the cafeteria. My legs carried me as quickly as I could run. I didn’t even bother stopping by my locker to discard my morning books. I wanted to get to Clint as soon as possible. If he was here, I wanted to be the first to greet him.
But when I turned the corner, I saw the cafeteria completely empty.
“Huh?”
A voice cleared itself behind me. “Can I help you?”
I whipped around, gazing into the eyes of our football coach. He quirked an eyebrow at me. “Skipping class?”
I paused. “Uh, no. I—it’s lunch time, isn’t it?”
He furrowed his brow. “No. It’s not. It’s only ten-fifteen.”
“What?”
“Are you okay? You look a little pale, Miss…?”
“Sorry. Uh, sorry. I have to get to class.”
I rushed past the football coach, feeling his eyes follow me down the hallway. I’d only gotten through first period? I felt disoriented. Confused. I could’ve sworn I’d gone to both of my morning periods before lunch.
“Rae?”
I heard our school guidance counselor call out my name. I slowly turned around as tears rushed my eyes. She came over to me, ushering me toward the main office. And before I knew it, we were in her office. With her door closing behind me. As my books fell from my arms.
While tears streaked my cheeks.
She handed me tissues and urged me to take a seat in front of her desk. I didn’t want to talk. The last thing I wanted to do was tell anyone else about what was happening. But, she didn’t ask me questions. She simply typed away on her computer, her eyes glued to the screen. Giving me as much privacy as she could while I sobbed my eyes out in her fucking office.
Like a damn child.
You are a child.
