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And any chance he had at getting into a two-year technical college out of state somewhere.
“Hey there, beautiful.”
“What’s for lunch?”
“You want me to go through the line for you?”
“They’ve got discounted sodas today.”
I rolled my eyes. “You guys can stop hanging off me now.”
Michael chuckled. “Not our fault you haven’t spoken to us all day.”
Allison nodded. “Yeah, Rae. We’re worried about you.”
I rolled my eyes. “You should be worried about Clint.”
Allison furrowed her brow. “What makes you think we’re not?”
The three of us hopped into the lunch line and I kept my eyes peeled for him. I’d never seen Clint actually eat lunch here. So I kept darting my eyes through the glassless window cutouts of the cement wall that separated the lunch line from the cafeteria dining area. I mindlessly paid for my food, grabbed a Dr. Pepper and headed for our seats in the corner. My backpack lay at my feet and my food stayed untouched as my eyes scanned the room, searching frantically for any sign of Clint.
But he was nowhere to be found.
Michael sat in front of me. “Just give him some time.”
Allison patted my back. “He needs to rest. Recuperate. Process, and all that.”
I shook my head. “I can’t shake this feeling that something’s just—”
I didn’t know how to explain it.
I drew in deep, quick breaths as I cracked open my soda, chugging it back and relishing the burn of the carbonation. I tried to push my tears away, the hurt, the anguish. I didn't want people to see me break down and cry. I had cried in front of the school counselor, and that was enough. I didn’t want the entire school talking about how I’d been bawling my eyes out at lunch over Clinton Fucking Clarke. Since he was nowhere in sight.
That didn’t bode well for either of us. And told much more of a story than I wanted the school to know.
Especially since I had no idea what came next.
5
Clinton
After sitting at that damn computer until almost eleven in the morning, I was out the door. I walked up and down the road, trying to figure out where to go or what to do next. No bike. No car. Forty bucks in my pocket. I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t want Cecilia questioning where I’d been or worrying even more about me. And I sure as hell didn’t want to run into my father, just in case he came home from the hospital today.
I meandered until I came across a familiar sight. The park. That damned park I’d found Rae sitting in that night. I chuckled bitterly to myself. It was as if the world were conspiring against me today. Using everything it could to remind me of the girl I’d left behind. For a good reason.
Guess the world didn’t care about my reasons.
I walked over to a bench in the corner, shielded by a few of the trees that still stood in the abandoned place. And as I sat down, I stared at that bench. The bench where Rae and I had our first kiss. Where I first felt her skin against mine. Where I found her, holding back tears and trying to put on a brave face while her entire world caved
around her.
Like mine.
“What a fucking mess,” I murmured to myself as I sat down. And the second my ass touched the bench, I felt something stiffen. I felt something preventing me from sitting down and I shot back up. I looked behind me. Had I sat on something? But I didn’t see anything on the bench.
Holy shit, I have my phone with me.
I ripped my phone out of my pocket and sat back down. I opened up my email, clicking link after link as I read through the articles. Some of them were bullshit, and some of them were full of help. I pulled my notebook and pen back out, jotting down things on random pages that I wanted to remember. Names of community colleges in the state that would take high school kids with shitty grades. States in the country that would actually provide a free community college education to those who declared residency. I didn’t even know that was a fucking thing, free education.
