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“Meeting halfway wouldn't be terrible for either of us to have dinner or something.”
“Yeah, if two and a half hours of driving isn’t considered ‘terrible.’ And if we don't hit traffic.”
Her smile faltered. “Well, at least you can tell your mom you’ll still see her every other weekend. Or once a month. And you’re close enough to get back quick in case of emergencies.”
I paused. “Are you trying to make her flood this town with her own tears?”
She roared with laughter. “It’ll work out, Rae. Come on.”
I sighed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know.”
Allison released my hand and I leaned back in the wooden booth. As I gazed out over the water to the left of us, I felt uncertainty bloom in my stomach. It made me feel sick. My appetite for ice cream was gone. The more I talked about school, the more fearful I was of it. The more I heard my mother cry, the more I felt as if I was making a wrong decision.
I sighed. “How am I going to get through with you and Michael six hours away?”
Allison smiled weakly. “We can make things work. We can do this, okay? Weekends together. Parties at Stanford you can come to. When we all come home for holidays and stuff. We’ll see one another more than you think.”
But, is that enough? “Yeah. Sure.”
“Rae.”
I waved my hand in the air. “It’s fine. Really.”
“It’s not fine. Something’s on your mind.”
“I’m just worried. It’s nothing. I’ll sleep it off.”
“Talk to me, Rae.”
I groaned. “It’s just all easier said than done, you know? I mean, sure, the beginning of the semester might be easy enough. But, what happens once classes ramp up? What happens when you get bogged down with reading? And schoolwork? I mean, think about all the times I’ve come over and interrupted you doing homework, Allison.”
She looked at me, but she didn’t speak.
“Think about all the times I’ve had to track you and Michael down in order to spend time with you.”
“Rae, it’s not--”
I shook my head. “I’m not trying to be a downer. But I am trying to be a realist. This is a massive change. And everyone’s acting like things will be hunky dory.”
“I mean, do you want me to tell you that we’ll never see one another and eventually drift apart? Is that going to make you feel any better?”
I snickered. “I don’t know. Is that what’s going to happen?”
I searched Allison’s eyes for a signal. Or a sign. Anything to tell me my paranoia wasn’t grounded in anything real. But all she did was shrug. A shrug. My best friend of years and years, and she didn’t even know if we’d be able to preserve our friendship. I slumped back into my chair and stared back out over the ocean. I didn’t know where the boys were, and I didn’t care. I was losing my best friend. My life. Leaving it all behind for a school I wasn’t even sure I wanted to attend. The last semester of our senior year changed so much. Allison and Michael grew even closer. Clint and I spent every waking moment together. He was talking about his future plans with starlight growing in his eyes. He practically bubbled over the brim with excitement!
And then there was me. Dreading every second. Counting down the days until doomsday. Still not sure about the decisions I’d made with my life. Every plan I laid out before myself had been obliterated when Allison got into Stanford. No apartment-sharing for us. Because fuck-only-knew I’d never make it into a school like that with my mediocre grades. And there weren’t any community colleges around Stanford that had a graphics design associate’s.
So there went the shared apartment.
Now I had all this money saved up and nothing to do with it. If I got a place of my own, I’d eat through it in three months before I’d be broke. I was two weeks away from my last day on a job I’d had for years. I was three weeks away from packing up my things and moving into a dorm room that would house another stranger under its roof with me. Instead of Allison, in our apartment, like we had always planned.
Life had already changed quickly around us. And I knew it wouldn't stop.
Which meant there wasn’t a damn thing any of us could do to stop it.
2
Clinton
