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Raelynn
I didn’t like the realization. I didn’t like the idea of Clint not loving me. Of him never having loved me. I pushed myself off the couch and tore through the crowd, stumbling against people that cursed me out.
“Fucking hell, bitch. Get out of the way.”
“That’s my man. Go get your own.”
“The fuck!?”
“Rae!”
I sighed. “Leave me alone, Allison.”
I heard her hot on my heels and all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. I wanted to go back to the hotel. I wanted to go home. And I didn’t even know where home was! It sure as hell wasn’t with my mother. She couldn't care less about me and what I wanted. All she gave a shit about was money. What I could give her. What bills I could pay so she could be a lazy bitch. I had no home. Not with Clint. Not with Allison and Michael while they sucked each other’s faces off.
I have to get out of here.
“Rae!”
“Leave me alone!” I shrieked.
I pushed through the kitchen and it felt as if the walls were closing in around me. Everyone multiplied and it felt like I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't take a step without knocking into someone. My chest rose and fell quicker than normal. My heart leapt into my throat. My palms started sweating and my back started aching and my muscles locked up.
“Rae? Where are you?”
Allison’s voice sounded so far away.
I need quiet.
I felt my body careening to the side as someone shoved into me. I felt pairs of hands on me as the room knocked me around like a damn pinball in a machine. I couldn't get my bearings. Everyone had turned into blurs. I couldn’t focus. Couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t see straight.
Space. I need space.
My back fell against the wall and a door burst open besid
e me. I yelped, watching as a guy came out of the bathroom. The most horrendous smell followed behind him. The smell of shit and puke. But the safe haven of the bathroom called to me. And I sucked it up enough to slip inside and lock myself in.
“Rae!”
Allison pounded on the door as I drew in quick breaths through my mouth.
“Rae! Open up, please!”
She pounded again as I looked around the small bathroom.
It wasn’t any bigger than a half bath. Just enough room for a sink and a toilet. It smelled like death in here. But I was alone. I closed the toilet and sat down before reaching for the air freshener. I sprayed it around me. All over the floor. All over my clothes. All around in the air. Trying to mask that god-awful smell as Allison kept shaking the fucking door on its hinges.
“Will you stop it!?” I screamed.
The knocking ceased and I sighed with relief.
“Please let me in, Rae. Let someone in.”
The pleading of her voice made me sigh.
“Just leave me alone. I just want to be alone.”
“I know that’s not true, Rae. I know you think that’s what you want, but I know it’s not what you actually want.”
