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I furrowed my brow. “What?”
She cleared her throat. “We can talk about this tomorrow. We’re all really tired, and I honestly don’t feel like recounting the night right now.”
“Must’ve been bad if you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Yeah, Rae. It was. And honestly, I’d like to know where in the world it came from.”
I shook my head. I opened my mouth and gargled some hot water just to get the taste of vomit off my tongue. How in the world could I explain my doubts to Allison? This fear that had been implanted within me? Would Clint understand if I tried explaining it to him? Probably not. I mean, he was very supportive. All the time. Hell, he’d offered to help me in any way possible with figuring out what I wanted to do with the rest of my life!
It didn’t get better than that.
So why did I still have doubts?
“You awake, Rae?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Unfortunately.”
Allison sat next to the shower. “Don’t talk like that.”
“Well, it’s how I feel.”
“Still?”
“If you don’t want to know, don’t ask.”
She sighed. “You’ve been angry at the world for a long time now.”
“I’m always angry at the world.”
“Not in a brooding way, Rae. In a lashing-out kind of way. It’s been like this for weeks. Since before we graduated.”
I shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Want to know my theory?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“I think you’re upset that Clint doesn’t want to go to college.”
I snickered. “He can do whatever he wants with his life. Just like me.”
Allison laughed bitterly. “If you don’t want to have this talk now, you sure as hell won’t be able to have it tomorrow. So either get honest with yourself and own up to things, or shut up and deal.”
My eyebrows rose. “I’ve never heard you curse so much.”
“I’ve never been this upset with anyone before.”
“I’m sorry, Allison.”
“Me, too. For you and for Clint. So let’s try to sort at least a little bit of this out before tomorrow comes.”
“I love you.”
She stuck her hand in the shower. “I love you, too. So talk to me. Be honest with yourself for once.”
I gazed at the shadow beyond the shower curtain. The shadow of my wise, intelligent, beautiful best friend. I cleared my throat and gargled some water again. Trying to give myself some time to gather my thoughts.
“Clint’s been so good to me, you know. He deserves better than all this.”
