AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Girl, I hate to break it to you, but if you really can’t see what I’m telling you? You’re flunking out of your first semester.”
I giggled. “Thanks for that.”
She shrugged. “It’s true. You’re trying so hard to see the negative, and I don’t have a clue as to why. But you need to fix that. College will be ruined for you if you don’t, with or without Clint.”
“I don’t want to be without him.”
“You can’t control every variable though, either. Trying to is only going to end in failure. Which is what you’re anticipating anyway. Don’t be that person. Don’t do that self-fulfilling prophecy thing. I can tell you one thing.”
“What?”
“This thing you’re doing right now? This cyclical arguing with yourself while you talk yourself out of something that could be good for you? It’s the exact reason why your mother does what she does.”
I paused. “I’m not following.”
“You think your mother sits there with nothing to do all day and plots how she’s going to take your money? That’s certainly not the case. She’s scared, Rae. I’m sure she probably sits there, talking herself in circles. Telling herself why a job won’t work out or why it’s not worth putting in applications just for her to get her hopes up and everything blow up in her face. I bet in your mother’s eyes, she’s somehow saving herself from a lifetime of hurt. While, in the process, creating the hurt herself.”
I blinked. “Holy fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Ho-lee. Shit.”
“Yeah, Rae.”
I drew in shallow breaths. “How do I stop it?”
Allison shook her head. “I don’t know. I’m not you.”
“I have to stop it, Allison. I can’t turn into her.”
“Well, now that you understand and recognize it, you can do what you need to in order to fix it. And you can start by talking with Clint tomorrow. Now, finish up in here and let’s get to bed. I need sleep.”
She closed the curtain and started cleaning up the water on the floor. Then she left me alone to dry off. My mind kept reeling with our conversation. One I knew I’d never forget. How did I let go of all this? How did I move forward? There was so much unknown. And none of it felt right. Not my major. Not this college. Not this hotel room. Not leaving. Not staying.
Clint feels right, though.
And I hurt him tonight.
Badly.
28
Clinton
The first thing I felt was my head. It felt as if someone had it in a vice. Cranking it tighter and tighter, trying to get my brain to slide out of my damn nose. Fucking hell, my head hurt. I couldn't open my eyes because even the darkness shook around me.
The second thing I felt, though, was my heart.
Except it wasn’t my heart. It was the black pit in the middle of my chest where my heart needed to be. It brought back memories of last night. Snippets of Rae’s angry face. Her harsh words. That girl, climbing into my lap.
Did I do something with that girl?
My jaw started aching. Followed quickly by my ribs. Holy hell, it felt like I had been run over by a truck. Some eighteen-wheeler, barreling down the highway at high speed. Flashes slammed against the shaking darkness behind my eyelids. Some angry dude. My fist against his face. His knees in my ribs.
No. You didn’t do anything. You just beat the shit out of some guy.
“You up?”
