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How the hell did I not notice that?
I sighed as I turned my attention back to my search. Things weren’t as bad as my mind was making them out to be. That much I knew for certain. Clint did eventually want children. Just not now. We eventually wanted to build a family together. Just not now.
What would we name our child?
I went from looking up ways to surprise Clint to searching for baby names. And I killed the back half of my day doing just that. Hell, I almost missed Luther’s retirement party at the end of the day because of it. The more time passed, the more excited I grew. A baby. I was going to have a baby. With the man I loved more than anything else in this world.
I wouldn't wait to tell him.
With the pregnancy test in my purse, I stopped by a baby boutique on the way home. I found the cutest pair of white baby sneakers with pale yellow racing stripes. Very gender neutral, but completely cute in the process. I bought a small bag with some tissue paper and put the entire thing together right there at the cashier’s desk. Who was just as excited as I was. I talked about the baby names I’d already come across. Most of which were for a boy. I grabbed the cutest ‘you’re going to be a father!’ card and scribbled a little something down into it. And after slipping it into the colorful bag, the cashier rang me up.
“That’ll be $32.24, Momma.”
Momma.
The word brought tears of happiness to my eyes.
I was excited to talk with Clint now. I raced home with the bag taunting me from the passenger’s seat. I couldn't wait to give him the gift. I knew he’d be so surprised, and so shocked, and so happy for us. I found myself lost in it all. Imagining Clint holding our baby boy. Or girl, for that matter. I saw him kissing our child’s forehead. Running around with them outside. Teaching him, or her, how his motorcycle worked.
My heart leapt with delight at the thought.
I parked my car and quickly scrambled out. I slammed the door closed as the beeping of the locks chirped at me. I rushed for the stairs, taking them two by two. Not bothering to change into my flats. Which I regretted by the fourth floor when I could barely catch my breath.
“Clint!” I called out breathlessly.
I finally made it to the sixth floor and shuffled to our door.
“Clint, you home?” I asked.
Exhaustion settled into my bones. I opened the front door and dropped my purse off to the side, ready to give Clint his present. But I was greeted with absent lights and silence.
Is he really not home yet?
“Clint!” I yelled.
The only thing that echoed back at me was my own voice. I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out my phone.
“Hey there, babe. I’m so sorry. I’m running incredibly behind. Give me another hour and I’ll be home. Okay?” he asked.
I closed the door behind me. “What’s keeping you at work now? I mean, not that I’m nagging. But this has become a pretty frequent thing.”
“I know, I know. But, it’s almost done. I swear. Once we can get past this--”
“You know we need to finish packing up, right?”
He sighed. “I know. I promise, I’m going to finish that with you before we go to bed tonight.”
“And I haven’t even thought about dinner yet.”
“I’ll pick something up on the way home.”
I suddenly felt overwhelmed. “Have you confirmed with the moving guys, too? Because tomorrow’s our day and we still have the entire bathroom to pack and I don’t think our office is completely packed up either, and I--”
“Rae, take a breath for me.”
I rushed down the hallway and turned the corner. I gazed into his office, and what I saw frustrated the hell out of me.
“Have you not been home all day?” I asked.
