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eds to see me to anchor him in the here and now. “When I look at you, I feel whole. And I think I hated you for that for a while, because it showed me how empty I was before. But now that I know what that feels like…I can’t live without it. I need you, Ophelia.”
I push through the melting feeling, trying to envision my heart hardening into stone. I can’t let myself fall for this again. Even if I can’t fully control how I feel inside, I can’t show any of it to him. I can’t get sucked in again.
“It’s great that you realized you need more in your life and that you want to be a better person and all that,” I answer coldly. “But I can’t be responsible for you in that way. What happens when I can’t be there? You just slip back into being your old self? You can’t put that kind of weight on me.”
“And what about you?” he asks sternly.
“What about me?” I respond weakly, stepping away from him.
“You don’t feel different with me? Something you’ve never felt before?” he asks daringly, his voice growing frantic. “You know you do. You need me just as much as I need you.”
“No, I don’t, Emmett,” I lie as best as I can. “I have other people in my life who love and support me. You are not my only source of love.”
“I’m not talking about love.” He shakes his head vehemently. “I’m talking about feeling alive. The rush of everything that could happen. I know you feel that with me just as much as I do with you.”
“But people get burnt out on rushes like that,” I argue softly. “The rush can’t sustain you. It just feels good.”
“It’s more than that,” he insists. “It’s more than just some temporary high.”
“How would we know? Look at what we’ve been through together…All we’ve ever had are moments—fleeting highs.” I shake my head, hating that I’m even admitting this much. “This is just too much.” My eyes begin to water, but I quickly wrinkle my face and use my hands to hide them.
“That’s exactly what it is,” he agrees passionately, rushing forward to grab my wrists again. He pulls them down and forces me to look at him, watering eyes and all. “It’s too much. But you want it, don’t you?”
“No,” I swear, clinging to every ounce of resolve I have built up in our time apart. “Too much is just that…too much. And I don’t want it. I can’t handle it.”
“Oh, that’s not the Ophelia I know,” he dares me with a coy smile. “You can’t handle it? You know damn well you can handle anything.”
“Until I met you,” I bite back.
His eyes spark at the challenge, and all at once he swoops forward and presses his lips against mine. I try to pull back, but the reminder of how sweet he tastes is the last straw. I crash back into him and lose myself completely. I don’t know what it is that snaps me out of it. Maybe it’s the way he growls against my mouth or the way his hand kneads into my skin desperately. But something gives me enough strength to push him away again.
“No, Emmett.” My chin quivers. “I told you, I can’t do this.” I look at him and wait for my resolve to break again, but somehow I am able to stand firm.
The wrestling match inside of me continues, sending me flailing back on my bed with an enraged groan. One minute I remember everything from before and have no trouble hating him, the next I am softened by something inside of him and whatever this is that keeps drawing us together. I know my desire to help him goes beyond me trying to be a decent person. I don’t owe him anything. I just want him.
“What are you thinking about?” he asks gently, lowering himself beside me on the bed, but he’s smart enough to keep a couple of feet between us.
All I can do is laugh and try to hold back tears, completely overwhelmed in a way that only Emmett can make me feel. “Where to even start,” I scoff. “But I’ve said it all before. I told you how I felt when you chased me down outside of the police station.”
He looks away with a soft and stern nod. I still have no way of knowing whether or not he’s still working with my father. He claims he had no choice the first time, and he could just as easily be stuck in the same spot now. But he also claimed he didn’t care about anything my father had to offer—everything that came along with his position as one of the last remaining Elites. He said all of it meant nothing without me.
I watch the edge of his face as he stares out my bedroom window, his eyes darkened by too many thoughts too like my own. I am once again left with a longing to go to him and trace my fingers along his jaw, drawing him to me for some kind of comfort. He used to insist that I belonged to him, and I’ve never understood how he could make me feel so afraid at times, yet still make me want to be his.
Always seemingly aware of what goes through my head, he never misses an opportunity to play on my momentary weakness. Right on cue, he turns back to me and reaches his hand across the bed, leaving it just a few inches away for me to take or leave. I was able to resist him before when he stood in the rain, pleading for another chance; I have to believe that I’m strong enough to do it again.
I roll away from his touch and refocus, straightening my hair and steadying my voice with a sharp breath. “So, what’s next?” I ask. “I told you I’d help you find Bernadette, and I will. We need a game plan.”
He sits back up on the edge of the bed, looking disappointed and tired. “Maybe I can look through her things,” he suggests, raking his hands through his hair. “I know she keeps a diary. Maybe there’s some hint of some kind in her room.”
“You don’t need me to do that,” I snap back. “Why didn’t you try that before dragging me into this?”
I worry that while his fears for his sister may be sincere, this is an all too convenient excuse to get to me. He’s side-stepping my pleas for him to leave me alone, to give me time and space, and instead roping me right back into the dangerous games of his world?a world he knows I want to stay away from.
“Because I need you, Ophelia,” he insists, looking up at me with pouting eyes. “It’s not just about what you can do to help…I need to be close to you. Having you around helps me keep my head straight.”
I laugh sarcastically and look away, shaking my head as my arms fold firmly over my chest. “Forgive me if that’s just a little hard for me to believe,” I sneer over my shoulder. “I’ve never known you to seem like you had your head on straight.”
“What about now?” He stands urgently. “We’ve been alone in this room for how long? I could have done a million things to you. What about when I had to hold you captive in my room? I could have let Trey and Vincent have their way with you, or done things to you myself if I was really such a bad guy. I did my best to protect you and keep us both safe.”
