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I’m quiet the rest of the way, hoping Malcolm stays the same. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I just want to kill time until Emmett comes to his senses and realizes the only person he should be with right now is me.
We pull up to the now-familiar mansion and follow the brick path leading behind the main house to Malcolm’s spot in the back. I hate the feeling of knowing we were doing this exact same thing earlier this evening, but then I was filled with the hope that we were about to fix everything. I thought we’d find something that would lead us to Bernadette, and this would all be over. But now there’s a hole where that hope used to be, and I am no less worried about Vivian.
“What are you in the mood for?” he asks as we file in and throw our things to the floor. He plops down on the couch and picks up the remote to begin scrolling through the selections on the screen. “Action? Comedy? Suspense?”
“No suspense, please,” I reply bitterly. “I have enough of that in my real life right now.”
“Got it. Light and funny,” he concludes. “Coming right up.”
As he’s scrolling past the shows and movies, I am surprised by how foreign it all looks. I’m behind on everything. I have no clue what’s come out recently, since I haven’t had any time to do things like this. Normal things. Sitting and relaxing with mindless entertainment. I’ve been too busy chasing Emmett around, or being chased by him and the rest of the Elites.
I watch the characters on the screen float through life, dealing with the most trivial matters. A bad day at work. Trying to find a date. The date going well and then the tricky part of falling in love. Emmett’s never even taken me on a date. Unless you could count our fucked up trip to the movies, with Trey and Vincent by our sides, trying to feel me up the whole time.
“Is this what life is like for some people?” I muse out loud.
“No, it’s a movie,” he smirks.
“No, you know what I mean.” I moan with exhaustion. “Everything in Jameson is so…heavy.”
“Maybe I should have picked a suspense thriller,” he quips. “I know you said you’ve had enough, but you might be able to relate to it more.”
“Do you ever get tired of it all?” I ask him.
“I told you.” He keeps his eyes glued straight ahead, his tone growing cold and apathetic. “I stay out of all of it. Anyway, if the Jamesons weren’t the ones in charge…things might not have been this way.”
“What do you mean?” I shoot back, sensing a new hint of jealousy.
“Nothing,” he states, not looking open to saying anything else about it.
“I can’t thank you enough for being here for me, Malcolm,” I offer. “Things with Emmett are always so fucked up, and with Lily deciding she hates me…I’ve felt so alone. It’s really meant a lot to have you around as a friend.”
I emphasize the word friend, feeling suddenly self-conscious about how this looks. I haven’t been trying to run crying to Malcolm’s shoulder every time something goes wrong with Emmett, but somehow he always seems to be conveniently planted in my path whenever the need arises.
“Well, I have to admit…I am being a little selfish in all of this,” he answers coyly, leaning back on the couch and spreading one arm out across the back in my direction. If I were sitting close to him, his arm would be along the back of my seat. But I made sure to keep a few feet between us when I sat down.
“What do you mean?” I ask, wringing my hands together in my lap.
“You’re fucking gorgeous, Ophelia,” he blurts out. “And a hell of a runner. You’re smart and funny—I’m not just hanging around you out of pity.”
“That’s sweet. Thank you.” I say sincerely, feeling my cheeks grow flushed. But my heart doesn’t swell with his words in the way that I wish it would. I take it the same way you’d take a compliment from anyone. Nothing like how I would feel if Emmett was sitting here, saying those things to me right now.
“I know that from what you’ve seen…my relationship with Emmett must seem like pure masochism,” I explain, clinging to my need to defend him. “And maybe it is. I don’t know.” My hands swipe across my tired face. “But I can’t let him go. Not yet.”
“But you deserve so much better,” he argues, no longer watching the screen. His eyes are glued to me, but I keep staring intently straight ahead. “And where is he right now while you’re upset? He’s with Vivian.”
I feel a knife in my heart. I know he’s right. “She may be playing him…I know that, and you know that. But Emmett’s just feeling lost and trying to do the right thing to protect his family,” I say with as much conviction as I can, but a waver of doubt creeps through my voice. “He does love me,” I add confidently.
“Well, he has a real fucked up way of showing it,” he grumbles, turning his head back towards the TV.
“I just can’t wait for all of this to be over,” I groan, folding over myself in exhaustion, realizing it was probably ridiculous to think I could just sit and watch a movie at a time like this.
Suddenly, I feel his hand on my back. “You know…there are other things I could do to take your mind off things until then,” he says suggestively.
I know what is about to happen. I had hoped Malcolm would let me keep things friendly and platonic, but deep down I knew this was coming. This is the moment of truth. His pale blue eyes look to me expectantly, and I have a decision to make. Will I let myself believe that Emmett and Vivian are fooling around right now and use it to justify something happening between Malcolm and me? I don’t want Malcolm in the way I want Emmett, but if I can’t have Emmett, then being with Malcolm would be something to dull the pain. But I can’t bring myself to let it happen. Maybe if things were officially over with Emmett, it’d be a good consolation prize. But I can’t do anything until I know for sure. If Emmett is still mine, I’m not going to risk jeopardizing that out of spite when I’m not even sure if it’s justified.
I turn in confusion and glare at his hand, smoothing over the back of my sweater. “Malcolm…” I trail off in a warning tone, looking at him with disapproval.
“I could make you feel good, Ophelia,” he replies deeply, not shying away from my glare. “You may even forget about him by the time I’m through.”
