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“Tell me, baby, tell me what you’re feeling,” he whispers, looking down at me with hooded eyes.
“This feeling, it’s too much, the pleasure is too much,” I say, digging my nails into the sheet and my heels pushing into the bed, causing my back to arch. There is a burning deep in the pit of my stomach, the same sensation from last night, starting to build. All of my senses—touch, smell, taste—are acutely aware of him and what he is doing to my body.
“I know, this is all too much, and it’s nothing compared to what we’ll experience together. Let go for me, baby.” As if he is speaking to my body itself, I let go, letting my orgasm take over my body. When waves crash and volcanoes erupt, I imagine it happens like this. I feel weightless, like I can’t function on my own if I tried. When he touches me, I feel electrified, liberated, so dang good. I let the air fill my lungs and watch the rapid rise and fall of my chest.
He runs his hands delicately over my face, sweeping my fallen hair out of the way while I settle down and come back to earth. If this is foreplay, I can’t imagine what sex will feel like. “Let’s get in the bath before we have to go to work, I won’t see you until tonight. Which is eight hours way too fucking long.”
I think it’s sweet what he’s saying, but still it shocks me. Trey isn’t the clingy type; he hasn’t had a relationship other than sex before me, which is why it surprises me. His fear of relationships stems from his past with his mother and her abandoning him.
Kingston tells me Trey will talk about his mom sometimes,
but it’s short and simple, nothing too detailed. I watch him battle with himself every day, trying to hush the demons that keep him from receiving the love he so badly desires. Even though I want to, I don’t tell him that he wears his heart on his sleeve. I know she ruined a big part of him. She left a black hole inside of him, and I fear he’ll never let it be filled again. Pushing the thought to the dark corners of my mind, I focus on the minor steps he’s taken just recently. Opening up to me, making me his girlfriend. I’d like to think that’s progress.
“Yeah, let’s. I mean, God forbid we won’t be able to see each other all day.” Sarcastically, I let him know he’s seriously adorable for wanting to spend every waking moment with me. He smacks my butt, and I yelp.
“Keep making fun of me and I’ll follow you to work and bug you all day.”
“Oh, do that! You could probably convince a lot of women that they look good just by winking at them and telling them to buy everything.” He gets up from the bed and I’m reminded that he is only in his boxer briefs when he stretches, showing me his very nice butt and muscular back.
“Come on, babe, the day’s calling.”
I climb out of bed and make my way to the hall closet to grab him a towel. Walking into the bathroom, the smell of honeysuckle fills my nostrils. Trey’s completely stripped down and standing in the tub with his hand extended toward me. He’s so defined and perfectly sculpted, he’s like a sculpture of the ultimate Adonis. I can’t help but notice his even more impressive dick. I don’t want to speak too out of context, but I didn’t know they could be that big.
He watches me as I slowly strip down, biting his lip when I’m completely naked in front of him. I swear that look is the epitome of desire. Climbing into the tub, I let the water warm my feet as he slowly lowers us. He sits behind me, his legs on either side of me, my head finding its place against his chest. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
“Do you ever think about her? You know, your mom?” Concentrating on cupping the water in his hand, he lets it lazily run down my chest. Stopping when I finish my question.
“Why?”
He sounds different, I’m not sure if it’s anger or just curiosity. I’m the one that should be curious, but I don’t press him on the issue.
“I just wanna know. I know it’s been a long time since you last saw her. Do you think of her?” There’s a moment of complete silence, and I can hear the tiny drips from the bath faucet hitting the water. Minutes later, he starts talking.
“Sometimes I wonder if she thinks of me. I think about what she’s up to. Does she have a new family? Did she have any other kids that are better than me, since she couldn’t love me?”
This confession rocks me. How can he truly think that he’s not lovable or that it was his fault by any means?
“Trey, don’t think that. You’re not the one to blame for her choices. She left you, not the other way around.” My desire to make him understand is strong. I don’t ever want him thinking he could’ve caused her leaving. That woman’s a poor excuse for a mother. He drops his lips to my shoulder, not replying right away.
“But why? Was it because I was too loud or didn’t try hard enough at keeping my room clean?”
She left when he was young, so his thoughts are still naïve and juvenile. Here’s this grown man thinking his mom left because his room wasn’t clean enough. You would think with age he would realize there are more mature and reasonable explanations for her shortcomings as a mother.
“Trey, really, you’re telling me that if you have kids one day, and their rooms aren’t clean or they are too loud, that you’d leave them?” He shakes his head lightly in response, but that isn’t good enough for me. Sitting up and turning to face him, I scoot him forward and straddle his waist. I’m glad my bathtub is Jacuzzi sized, because this would be a lot more difficult to maneuver if it wasn’t.
I need him to find clarity in this moment, I need him to remember that he was just a kid and she was the neglectful parent. “You were not the problem, Trey Joseph Adams. She has no idea what a blessing it was to not only know you, but to have you as her child.” I rub my thumbs over his cheeks, hoping to give him the connection he needs in order to find truth in my next declaration. “You’re the most loving, funny, talented, and extremely good-looking person I know. Don’t ever think that her leaving was any reflection of you. You were a child and she was the coward. You’re incredible, Trey, and she should regret every moment of her life because she will never get the chance to meet the man you have become.” The tears that were building in his blue eyes never get the chance to fall. I won this round, I’m sure more are to come, but this is a small victory for us.
His hands find the back of my neck, sliding up into my hair and pulling my lips to his in one swift movement.
We’re kissing, our tongues trying to fight for dominance, trying to express the exact thing that we’re both fighting to admit. Love. I know I love him, I have for thirteen years, and one day I’ll tell him, but for now I just want him to feel it, feel me.
“You are everything to me, do you understand that?” he says.
I nod. Feeling him grow hard under me, I reach my hand into the water when he starts kissing me again. I gently start stroking him; his head relaxing against the wall while his eyes remain locked on mine. It’s the most erotic thing to be intimate with him. When he’s biting his lip and not letting his eyes leave mine, it’s earth shattering.
“Yes, I do, because you are my everything too, Trey.” Keeping my gaze on him, I stroke with one hand, asking him for silent approval if I’m doing it right.
“Tighter, baby, just a little. But just like that.” Placing his hand over mine, he helps guide me over his cock. His jaw opens and his lips form an O when I pick up the pace. Reaching my other hand under the water, I cup his balls. Cosmo magazine said men like that. He growls, the sexiest, most animal-like thing and it turns me on all over again.
