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“You two were always flirting and pining over each other, it was just a matter of time before you two got together.”
Obviously, Shayla and I weren’t very good at hiding our feelings for each other from everyone else. How did I not realize she was as into me as I was into her?
“Really, you thought this the whole time and you didn’t say anything?” He looks at me with a conflicted gaze, and I get the feeling that this may get pretty serious pretty fast.
“Trey, I couldn’t tell you because I know that you had and still have resentment toward your mother.” He pauses. “I never wanted to push you, because I feared if I did you would hurt not only her but also yourself. You weren’t prepared to love her without regard.”
“What happened with me and your mother, Trey, won’t happen to you. It won’t because Shayla will never hurt you. That girl has always looked at you like you had the answers to the universe. Your mother never looked at me like that.” He looks back at the house and quickly rubs his hand over his lips repeatedly.
“You know who has?” I don’t have time to answer, he knows that I know. “Kathy. That woman has looked at me like I’m a fucking king and she’s my queen. So checkmate, son, that woman is your destiny.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I feel the instant comfort only my father can give, just like I’m a young kid again. He’s right, Shayla is my checkmate, my flag at the finish line, my final prize.
“I’m scared, Dad, because we’re to a point where we can’t just go back or walk away. I have so many demons that I need to fight and overcome, but I’m fearful she won’t be able to handle all of them. Shit, Dad, I don’t even know if I want to put her through it.” He nods his head in agreement. He knows how much she means to me without me having to tell him, and like I said, my dad and I had to face hell alone. We understand the hardship that my mother caused, the disaster, because it ripped through our hearts.
“I really do love her, Dad, so much. I want to make her and I work.”
“Then do it. But you need to be honest with her, and you need to remember that you and her are a different story,” he counters back.
She is different, there’s no arguing with that. The entire time I’ve known her she’s never left my side, so why would she now?
I’m mulling everything over in my head when I hear the faint sound of footsteps coming toward us. My dad helps Kathy set the sandwiches down and then pulls her into his lap, halting our conversation for now. He said everything he needed to say and it was just enough to get my brain spinning. I obviously have things I need to fix and some hard realizations to come to.
We enjoy the rest of the day with light conversation and talk about the studio, discussing all the new bands that we are recording. Before I leave, we make a plan to go to Park City for the holidays. Not only will Shay and I get to spend time back home in Utah, but we’ll also get to spend time with my father. Spending time with him and Shayla, my two favorite people, is something I’m desperately looking forward to.
Shayla
“CAN YOU PASS ME the garlic salt please?” I ask Lana while cutting the peppers for the spaghetti sauce. Tonight we’re making dinner for the boys; all the while I can’t stop thinking about how excited I am to see Trey. I’m not sure if this is healthy for us, but being with him the past few nights has been amazing. I feel we should slow down before we abuse our time together and end up getting sick of each other. I wish I knew what would be better for us; my mind and my heart are in constant disagreement.
“Here.” I notice the monotone replies she’s been giving me for the past three hours. Okay, she needs to spit it out. I told myself I would continue this conversation earlier, and I fully intend to finish it now.
“Do we want wine, water, or beer tonight?” she asks, standing in front of the fridge, the light casting a shadow over her face. I can see in her brown eyes that she’s hiding something.
“What’s wrong, L?” As if she didn’t hear me, she continues to make a decision for her beverage of choice.
“Wine it is. Red or white?”
Oh no, we’re not playing the avoiding game. She may have been silenced for years, but not with me. I stare at her side silhouette and I know darn well she feels it, because her eyes keep shifting to the corner and looking at me. She puts the wine on the counter and fidgets with the corkscrew. I see it building…here it comes.
“I slept with Kingston, Shay. I slept with him and now he wants more, and I’m not willing to give it. Last night we shared a beautiful moment and when it was done, I choked up and we had a fight. It was terrible.”
There it is, ladies and gentlemen.
“Lana.”
“I know. I’m an idiot. Please don’t be mad at me. I know he’s your brother, but we just got caught up in the moment.” She’s rambling and making big movements with her hands. Sure, I would prefer she not sleep with my brother unless she plans to be with him, but they are grown adults. If they want to play with fire and keep burning each other, that’s their choice. All I can do is be there for them when the fire burns out. I’m not gonna be mad at her for that.
“Hey, hey. I’m not mad and you aren’t an idiot.” I grab her and embrace her, feeling the sobs racking her chest.
“I am though, Shay. He wants to be all cuddles and flowers. While I, on the other hand, want nothing but to break his heart and run away.”
Wow, I didn’t know she felt that way about all men. I knew she was a bit of a tease. She would date guys until she had them invested and then she’d walk away, hands clean, with the poor fool lying in the mud. Never more than that, I thought.
“You can’t keep this all in, Lana. You need to let it out. You can always talk to me.” She nods, running the back of her hand over her now tear-stained cheeks. I can still see the reservation on her face.
“Ever
yone says that I need to forgive Joel in order to move on with my life. Maybe that’s why I keep comparing Kings to Joel, because the past still holds me captive.”
