AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Pops, it’s me, Trey. God, dad.” I hear my voice and it sounds foreign, like its coming from someone else. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss it. “Dad, please. Get strong, come back.”
I never in a million years would have believed I would be here. Here in a moment where my dad would be fighting for his life and I would be on the sidelines, helpless and afraid. When you love someone and you know they are fighting a battle, you can’t help but hate that you can’t save them. I cant save my dad. All I can do is pray that he can hear me and that he will fight like hell to come back to me.
“Dad, I need you here, I still need to learn from you, to be taught what I still need to know.” I tell him laying my head on his shoulder. My arm is stretched across his stomach where I feel Kathy grab a hold of my hand. Shayla is standing behind me, her small hand is doing its best to bring me comfort. Her silent ‘I’m sorry’s’ fill the thick air in the room. I’m still upset about what happened to her tonight and I know that she needs to see the Doctor. The bruises on her neck are becoming more prominent. I untangle myself from my dad for a moment and turn to face Shay. I open my legs and pull her to fit in the spot between. Reaching my hands up I move her hair and lightly run my hand over the marks that fucker left behind. It renews my anger, but I stay silent and take second to remember where we are and all this shit going on around us.
Her soft fingers come up and mock the same thing I’m doing to her, she begins to touch and caress my upper body. It’s like we are both checking to see if this is all a dream, if I’m real or if she’s real. When we know this is reality she lets a tear fall. I see it in her eyes that this isn’t just about what happened to her, but she is just as scared and torn up about pops, as I am.
“I’m sorry, Trey.” She tells me leaning over slightly to kiss my forehead. I squeeze my eyes shut and grab her hips, grasping them tightly, I pause.
“Thank you for being here, thank you for being my always. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here.” I tell her nestling my head into her stomach.
“I will always be here. It’s always going to be me and you. I’ll never leave you or let you fall alone.” She says running the tips of her nails through my hair. That has got to be the only good thing that’s happened to us tonight. Her telling me this; made me forget for a split second that I could possibly lose my dad. I open my mouth to respond when the sweet nurse enters the room, she makes eye contact with me, and in them I see sorrow. She probably sees things like this all the time, yet she feels sympathy for me.
“Hello, I’m sorry to bother you, but the doctor needs to see you now Ma’am.” Her formal greeting to Shayla, has my heart rate spiking. I don’t want her to leave my side, I want her here with me and at the same time I have the natural instinct to want to follow her and make sure my woman is ok. I don’t want her in there alone.
“Okay, thank you. I’ll be right out.” Her head turns back to me and she gives me a tiny smile that doesn’t reach her eyes, I mean how could it when all this chaos is happening around us. She leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips.
“I’ll take Kingston with me. I won’t be alone.”
I didn’t say anything to her, but she read my mind. I watch her turn to leave and continue to watch her until she’s no longer in my line of vision. Turning back I glance at Kathy, her head is now laying on the bed next to his, she must have moved her chair higher up while I was talking to Shay. I can’t imagine what she’s going through. Fuck, I thought Shayla laying in the hospital bed in Park City was a scary thing, but if this was the circumstance and I had to watch the woman I love lay in this bed, helpless, I wouldn’t even be able to stay still.
“Do you know what happened? Did the police tell you anything?” I ask, my eyes not leaving my father’s face.
“Yeah, they said he must have fallen asleep at the wheel because he swerved into oncoming traffic and flew off the side of the highway when another car clipped him. The car…” She stops and I hear the emotion grow thick in her voice. I reach over grabbing her hand.
“You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready.” I reassure her, but maybe I’m doing it for me too, maybe I’m not ready to hear what happened in that car, either.
She doesn’t even respond, she just goes back to resting her head on his shoulder.
“Pops?” I whisper, my hand clasped tightly around my dad’s, where my chin is resting. I have this notion in me that I need to say what I’m feeling, tell him all the things I feel he should know, like I will never get the chance again. I really fucking hope that isn’t the case.
“Pops, if you can hear me, I need to tell you something. I need you to know what I need you here for.” I swallow past the hard lump in my throat.
“You know how you told me to marry my girl. Well dad, I want to, not really want actually, it’s more like a burning need deep within me. Like, I can’t live without having her as my wife. Her being my wife is a need, an everyday thing that I have to have, it’s like breathing. If I didn’t have it, I would suffocate.” I take a deep breath, closing my eyes I form a clear picture of Shayla in my head. She’s so fucking beautiful it’s almost hard to believe that God created a woman so perfect and he was foolish enough to give her to me.
“I bought her a ring, but you see, I need you there dad, I need you to tell me how to love her the right way, because I feel my way isn’t good enough. I know you tell me it is, but I want to be deserving enough to have her. I can’t picture a wedding without you dad. I was going to ask her tonight.” God, it’s been the most insane ride with her these past thirteen years, but I wouldn’t change all the ups and downs we faced together. “Don’t you want to be there dad, when I marry her? Then one day, if I’m lucky, she will give me beautiful children, fucking perfect children that are just like her. Wise, sweet, kind, humbled, fucking works of art and all of them will be mine to protect, my heart will be completely full. Except for the part where you might not be there. Damn it dad I’m sorry for all the things I’ve done that you may have not been proud of. You’ve been my best friend since the day I could build memories, we’ve been through hell and back. I love you, pops. If this is the last moment I get to tell you things, this is my promise to you.” I pause my rambling, momentarily to squeeze his hand using my other one to wipe the tears from my face. I know I’m rambling, but it feels like time is sitting on my fucking shoulders and the alarm is approaching, telling me to hurry. The feeling feels abnormal, very dooming—out of this world.
“I promise to always be the best version of me. I’ll never stop trying to be the perfect man for Shayla. I promise to tell my sons about you and show my daughter all the ways you could have loved her like a grandpa. I’ll wake Shayla up every morning and tell her first thing, that I love her, just like you did with Kathy.” I hear Kathy quietly sniffling and when our eyes meet her lips tremble with a small smile. My dad can wake from this nightmare, so what I am saying may be pointless, but something inside tells me it won’t.
“Dad, i’ll take care of mom, Kathy will never go a day without me. But most of all, you will live in my memory, every damn day and I’ll honor you in all things I set to do. I love you so much, Dad.” Standing up I lean and place my lips to his forehead. I keep them there and squeeze my eyes shut, a tear landing on him. I hold his hand tightly, giving him all the strength that I possibly can.
The monitor next to us makes a new sound that I haven’t heard since I walked in here. I s
tand straight and look at Kathy. She lets out a loud cry as the doctors come running in.
“Sir, Ma’am, he is going into cardiac arrest, we need you to wait in the lobby.” My heart stops, literally stops beating. My feet stumble over each other and the room goes silent. Im being pushed and rushed out, but I don’t feel anyone touching me, don’t hear the sound of voices or machines. The people around me a blur of commotion. Making our way down the long narrow hall, filled with nurses and patient rooms, the heavy florescent lights above me pass quickly. Just like a scene out of a movie.
WITHIN THIRTY MINUTES, SIX little words changed me forever, left me broken and a piece of my heart that will never heal.
“I’m sorry, we couldn’t save him.” Those six words, that this Doctor probably says ten times a day to people like me. A mantra well-rehearsed, but an effect that you can never prepare for. Six words that told me I lost my father forever.
“You didn’t try hard enough! Go try again! He’s still in there damn it!” I yell grabbing a chair and throwing it, the scene catching the attention from everyone in the waiting room. My rage even terrifying me, coming from deep within my soul.
“Sir, please calm down, we tried to resuscitate many times, I’m sorry.” The Doctor says with only slight emotion.
“Many times! That’s my fucking father, I don’t give a shit about your many times, try it again!” A few security guards come through the door. The Doctor holds up his hand warning them to stay put. That’s what I thought. “Sir, Im very sorry for your loss, but we couldn’t revive him.” My chest is rising and falling at a rapid rate, I can hear Kathy behind me crying. I turn and pull her in my arms, ignoring the Doctor.
“We can try again okay, let me talk to them.” I whisper in Kathy’s ear, it’s not too quiet to where the Doctor can hear me. He shakes his head and adjust his glasses.
