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He pulls up to a stoplight and reaches for me; I turn my face away and wipe the tears. What the actual freak is going on? Too much happiness got me feeling this way?
“Nothing, I just…I feel overly emotional, we have had such a great week, nothing has gone wrong, and it just feels almost too good to be true.” He chuckles, humored by my sudden mood swing.
“Oh, baby, don’t cry. It’s okay; everything is okay, I promise. We deserve to feel this way. We deserve a break. Don’t bring in any doubt. We got this.”
“I know, it just seems too good. I mean, Gwen completely ripped through us like a dang tornado and then poof, she is gone and we’re all chipper. Doesn’t that seem abrupt to you?”
Trey lets out a deep sigh and shakes his head. “Babe, she wasn’t back in my life long enough to make an impact, therapy a couple of times a week and the occasional lunch didn’t make her my mother. Kathy helped me see that, baby, you helped me see that.” The light turns green and he reluctantly pulls away, making his way to the suburbs where my OB is located.
He has a point, he really does, maybe he’s healing faster because she wasn’t really fully back into his life yet. Maybe my emotions are just high since I know today I’m getting checked out. My PCOS always has me worried. I fear they will find something more serious and the probability of me ever being able to have kids will just vanish completely. I don’t want to lose any more hope.
“You’re right, I’m just stressed. I have anxiety about the appointment today. That’s all.” I wipe my tears, and by the time I clean up we’re pulling up to the medical plaza.
“I will be right here with you this time, baby, you don’t need to be scared. We got this.” Removing the keys, he turns to me and grabs my hands, bringing them up to his lips to kiss each knuckle. It’s sweet. He has a point—last time I was alone, but not today. Today, I have him and no matter what the doctor says, we will get through it. Who knows, maybe it will be good news.
“I love you,” he whispers.
“I love you, too.” Giving him a gentle kiss, I feel my insides liquefy, his kisses are like candy—sweet and they always hit the spot.
“Let’s go.” He climbs out of his truck and I grab my purse, throwing my phone inside. Opening my door, he gives me his hand and helps me out.
“Thanks, baby.” Nodding, he locks the truck and places his hand on my lower back, walking us to the entrance. My nerves are high, but I take deep breaths to help ward off the anxiety. Trey senses it and takes charge.
“Hey, I’m checking in for Shayla Donovan.” I just smile up at his tall figure, my heart melting.
“Okay, go ahead and sign in on that paper and the nurse will call you back when they’re ready.” The receptionist seems sweet; she’s different from the woman I usually see here. Lennox is the name on her name tag, she is at least half the age of the sweet old lady that usually greets me.
“Thanks.” Trey brings me back in as he walks us to the seating area. My eyes find the beautiful young couple across the way from us. The brunette beauty looks to be about six months pregnant. She’s only growing in her belly, lucky girl. Her husband, I assume he is by the rings they are wearing, sits next to her, with his hand splayed open across her stomach. They both admire her growing stomach, smiling at each other, sharing whispers and little laughs. The bitterness and green with envy feeling starts creeping its way in, but I hurry to shut it down. Don’t be bitter, it isn’t right.
What I wouldn’t give to see Trey smile like that, to be a father to our child. I really wish we were here for that reason versus the real reason we’re here.
“Don’t do it. Don’t blame yourself, don’t be jealous. That will be us one day, even if we have to adopt, we’re going to be a family.” Stealing a quick glance back at the couple, I nod.
“I hope so.”
“Don’t do that, don’t fucking say it like that.” He doesn’t sound mad just hurt.
“I’m sorry, it’s just being here has never gone well, I just want to get this done with and go home. I hate this place.”
“Shay…”
“Please, I don’t want to talk about it, it’s no big deal,” I lie, if only he knew the true pain I’m feeling, the kind that causes your bones to ache, your heart to beat unsteadily, the kind you just want to run from but can’t escape. It’s like misery knocking on your door constantly.
“We will talk about this more when we get home.” He squeezes my upper thigh, and I just nod my head. Last time we talked about it, we both nearly lost ourselves. I didn’t realize how hard telling him was going to be, until I saw him bang on his chest, like a man undone. Trey looked broken, mirroring the image of me, since I was—am—broken, too.
“Shayla Donovan?” The nurse stands by the front, calling my name. Trey and I stand and he leads the way.
“How are you guys today?” she asks, making small talk.
“Fine,” I reply back, not in the mood to fake it.
“Well, this is your room, Dr. Barrett will be here in just a moment, go ahead and remove your pants and underwear, then cover yourself with the blanket when you’re done.” I nod, knowing the drill already. Trey, however, doesn’t, and the look on his face has me chuckling a little. When she leaves us to it, he speaks immediately.
“You have to take your pants off? Your doctor is a dude?” he rambles off.
“Yes, my doctor is a male and yes, I have to take off my pants, he has to give me a pap. How else do you think those happen, dork?” I tease and watch him put it all together in his mind. He zones out while I get situated, losing my bottoms then sitting up on the bed.
“I want you to get a female doctor, is your doctor hot?” His eyes bulge with his question, and I laugh harder.
