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“Don’t do that,” she cuts in, breaking my chain of thought.
“Do what?”
“Blame my fears and doubts on you or anyone, it wasn’t your fault.”
“How did you know?”
“Best friends for fourteen years, Shay. I see it in your eyes, King’s eyes, Trey’s eyes all the time. You guys blame yourselves for my abusive relationship and the damage it forever caused me. But it’s not your fault.”
I wish I could believe that, but just like the abuse stuck with her, the guilt stayed with us. “We should have told someone, we should have been a stronger force and protected you. We could have saved you.” We are both crying, and as much as I would like to blame hormones, it’s not, this is two best friends, both guilty and afraid for a past we wish we could change all while tangled into new emotions over our current baby situation.
“No, we were young, we didn’t know the power that we all had. But, Joel…he wasn’t the man to cross. I am lucky that Kingston saved me, lucky the cops showed up and that he told them everything. Thank heavens my parents were hours away and out of danger. And I’m grateful that you and Trey were out of danger.” With Joel being there and getting arrested, he couldn’t make the call, couldn’t have his goons hurt any of us. When we called her parents and told them she was in the hospital, they rushed home.
Telling Jeffery and Becky, Lana’s parents, about the abuse, about everything—the lies Lana told, how she blamed her bruises on cheer, how she wasn’t always at our h
ouse—the men he had following her family, it was all devastating to witness. Jeffery stood there, a stoic Marine Sergeant, turned in on himself and wept at her bedside, cursing himself, blaming himself for being blind.
Becky at his side, with loud sobs. That was the worst day of our entire lives. Kingston never left her bedside, he sat there, praying for the first time in years, telling her how sorry he was, how torn up he was, and how much he blamed himself. We all left something in that hospital room. Whispered apologies, painful regrets, and fragile pieces of our broken hearts.
I don’t want to take two steps back and tell her that we’re all still living with more regret than we’re letting on. Because I’m afraid that if we do she will find validation in her reasoning to never let go. If we want Lana to let go and move on, we have to forgive ourselves and move on, too. Baby steps.
“I don’t want to talk about him right now, we won’t let him ruin this.” Lana reminds me of what we really should be focusing on.
“You’re right, my God, we’re going to be mamas, our babies will be best friends. When do you think you will tell Kingston?” Shrugging, she rights my shirt and rubs her tummy; I do the same.
“I don’t know. All I know is soon, he needs to know, it’s only fair.”
I concede with the pursing of my lips and the nudge of my head.
“This is crazy.” We laugh in unison; I can’t believe we’re pregnant at the same time. Never in a million years did I see this happening; never knowing this is where time would take us.
“What a difference four years makes… Seattle has brought us so many new things. Even though Kingston and I aren’t in a relationship…”
She peers down at her not there stomach—how is she smaller than me but farther along? I just chalk it up to Lana works out and I don’t, so on top of baby, age is catching up and I won’t be able to avoid the gym for long.
“I’m so blessed to be having his child. Kingston will be an amazing father.”
Her words resonate with me, the imagery of my brother as a father is just that…amazing.
“He will,” I agree, knowing how she feels. The thought of Trey as a father isn’t just a sight to behold, it’s the sexiest, most lovable trait he has to date.
“Dad Trey is the ultimate bae,” I say out loud with a fit of laughter. We enjoy the rest of the afternoon talking about baby names. We’ll go see the guys later, to eat some of their barbecue, until then we’ll let them have some guy time.
Trey
“BEN, MAN, WHAT’S UP?” GRILLING burgers on our small outdoor balcony, I see Ben appear. Taking my free hand out, we lock hands and pull in for a sideways hug.
“Hey, T, that smells fucking good, after the night I had, I need some good grub to regain my energy.”
Leaning against the railing, I look up from my work on the grill and raise a brow. “Oh yeah, too much partying?” He smirks deviously. Ben could drink for nights on end and party like it’s no big deal.
“Nah, I drank, but then I took this one girl back to the place I’m staying at and fuck, man, she was wild. She let me take her four times before she begged me to stop.”
“Damn. Stamina strong, bro.” We both laugh, and he pats my back, taking a swig of his Corona. I spent last night ravishing Shayla, like a damn Viking returning to his woman after battle and even though all I want to do is spend time with her, the guy time is nice.
Still, something about knowing she’s pregnant has me even more obsessed with being near her. I want to fucking lose myself in her, breathe in when she breathes out. Damn.
“I’m telling you, man, it was fucking epic. So anyway, how’s it been, I haven’t seen you in some time. How are things going with Shay?”
