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“Take me home, please just take me home.”
“I’m taking you home-home, we’re going to stay with Kathy in Portland, along with Kingston and Lana, you and Lana have the next few days off and we finished with the band today. We’re gonna take a couple days off before we catch up over the busy weekend.”
I nod, not complaining one bit. I wish we could take an entire month off, if I’m being honest.
“How did the conversation with Kingston go?” I ask, remembering the earlier part of the evening before it spiraled to the pits of hell.
“It went great—terrible at first, but he’s ready to talk to you. Actually, sitting on edge out there waiting. Why don’t you get dressed then meet us outside?” I nod and he stands, getting ready to leave, but before he reaches the door there is a light rap then the nurse enters.
“Ms. Donovan, I’m the nurse for Dr. Barrett, he wants you to continue with your prenatal and take it easy the next couple of days. Before you leave for California, he would like to see you back in here, just for a precautionary checkup.”
“Thank you, can we have the ultrasound printout?” I want to keep each one we get, this is a wild journey that we are blessed to be on and even through all the foggy chaos, I see a beautiful clearing ahead. This time I feel it for real—no more drama, no more pain, no more road blocks or speed bumps.
“You sure can. All right, call into our office first thing in the morning and we’ll set up an appointment.” With a sweet smirk and a swift nod, she leaves us to get the printout and I get dressed. When I’m in just my panties, I feel the strong notion that his eyes are on me. Looking up, I see I’m right.
“What?” I question, tilting my head and assessing him.
“You. It feels like a dream, you’re so close in front of me, but it feels unreal to me still.”
“Still?” I slide my sleep shorts up and tug on his baggy shirt, embarrassed that I rolled up in this hospital looking not only battered but also homeless.
“I have now come close to losing you multiple times by this crazy shit we call life, when I didn’t even deserve you in the first place.” His confession rolls off his tongue and my insides melt to nothing.
“Trey. You deserve me, we deserve each other.” I reach for his hand, stepping within inches from him. “We can’t keep letting things that threaten to destroy what we worked hard to build get in our way.”
He shakes his head, looking at me as if I’m incredulous to everything that happened. “How are you not more shaken up?” He doesn’t sound angry, just unsure, which is understandable.
“Trey…this all messed me up, my head is fighting a constant battle with my heart. My head says to fear and feel nothing, but my heart is pulling hard and willing me toward relief—closure. I can’t explain it, Trey, but trust me, every day we’re together is another day that we can spend healing.” I want the impact of my words to resonate within, hitting a nerve so deep that he feels it.
“You’re always saving me, baby,” he says, coming to me, kissing my lips.
“I try, now can we please leave this place and get home?”
Smiling, he pulls me into his side, nodding. “Yes, let’s go home.”
Trey
PARACHUTE PLAYS QUIETLY THROUGH THE speakers of my truck, both Lana and Shayla asleep. Lana is curled up in the passenger seat next to
me and Shayla is snuggled right into Kingston’s arms in the backseat. I steal random glances every now and then in the rearview mirror, catching glimpses of Kingston’s worried face as he stares down at my sleeping beauty.
“Hey,” I whisper quietly, causing Lana to stir just a little before falling back asleep. Catching Kingston’s attention, his eyes meet mine in the mirror.
“Yeah?” he answers me with a soft rasp, keeping Shayla asleep.
“You okay?” He and Shayla didn’t talk about anything, because the second they saw each other, she dissolved and cried in his arms while Kingston rocked her slowly and hushed her. Halfway to Portland, she and Lana crashed.
No one was ready to talk, let alone knew where to start if they did. We’re going back to the basics tonight—four best friends just hanging out, forgetting our shit at the door.
It feels similar to the way it was in high school, me dealing with my family shit, Lana with her abusive, piece of shit ex, Kingston pining over Lana, and then our strong Shayla, so fearless—the glue holding us together. She is the strongest woman I know, she never seemed to be going through things when we were younger—which isn’t true—I wasn’t the only one with mommy issues. But Shayla put on a brave face, held her chin high, and put us all back together. Like a savior.
“Not really, that wasn’t easy seeing for a second time, I don’t think I can handle seeing my sister in pain ever again. My thick heart is finding itself easier to feel pain—to break.”
“You have every reason to feel that.” I tell him, looking from the road to Lana then back to him and Shay through the mirror.
“I find myself wondering, often, how the hell she remained so strong, and so fucking kind, when she has been through some tough shit.”
My eyes stay focused on the road, it’s dark and nearly midnight, meaning I can’t spend too much time, like I want, stealing glimpses of my beautiful girl. I swear my eyes ache for her face. My obsession for her is palpable, it’s something I’ll never tame, and I hope I never fucking have to.
