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“Lana, need him that much, it’s okay. Being someone’s world isn’t a bad thing, being someone’s world doesn’t have to be scary. It’s beautiful. Kingston is all those things yes, but it’s so damn stunning the way he loves you, the way he looks at you, the way he would lay down his life to have you. Love is captivating honey, stop comparing what you had with Joel to love, it wasn’t.” Pulling back from me she reaches over to grab a paper towel. Lifting it to my face she wipes my tears.
“I know. You’re right.” I wish I could say or describe in perfect words the epiphany she just opened on me, but I can’t. I do love Kingston. He’s my world and more, our love is not normal, it’s not sane, it’s completely psychotic and I love it. I need to stop falling back into the feasible unknown whenever I start to feel happy again. It’s not fair nor healthy.
“Besides, you’ve come this far, you’ve finally let him in. What gives?” She moves the loose hairs that have fallen from my messy bun out of the way and cradles my face. I sniffle looking into her eyes. I feel safe in her arms and I know this is the right time to tell her what I came here to tell.
“You can’t tell daddy, mom. I need to do it. I need to tell him.” I wipe my nose, in the most unsexiest way. “That love that we have, well,” I reach down to the hem of Kingston’s shirt that’s drowning my body and lift. “It created something beautiful.” I lay my free hand on the underside of my tiny round tummy. “We created a life.”
She stays fiercely quiet, just standing there looking down at my stomach. I try to see her eyes but her head is too low for me to get a good enough look.
“Mama, say something?” I rub my tummy again, feeling the soft skin that’s protecting our baby and it brings me some kind of affirmation. I’m not sure if she’s gonna yell at me or be happy. I know dad’s reaction already, he’s predictable, but not my mom.
“Oh!” Bringing her hand to her mouth she covers it and looks up at me, her eyes storming with tears. Her other hand laying on my belly where my hand is placed.
“You’re pregnant?” she asks, her voice muffled by her hand.
“Yeah, we are. I am.” I choke on a sob.
“Lana, you’re gonna be a mommy!” Bending, she gets close to my belly. “You’re gonna make my baby a mama! Oh, I’m gonna be your grandma! Oh Lana!” Kissing my belly, she comes back up and I drop my shirt. Her arms engulf me, pulling me close as mine return the embrace.
“Lana! Oh baby! I’m so happy for you! I want to give you the whole, ‘why didn’t you wait till marriage talk’, but I think you and I both know dad will be giving it. Shit, your dad.” I gulp and all hugging and excitement cuts off.
“I know. I’m scared he’s gonna try and hurt Kingston. Ever since Joel, he has been on edge with me. I mean even when he calls me he asks me a thousand questions and gives me the ‘don’t get married till you’re thirty’ speech.” Shaking her head knowing the speech I’m talking about, I don’t smile along with her. She thinks it’s funny, but she isn’t the one pregnant out of wedlock with the thug daddy hated.
“You better butter him up and have an escape plan for Kingston just in case.”
Fuck me running.
“You better help me if he tries to tackle Kings.” I point in her face turning back to the casserole.
“I’ll try. Holy cow, you’re gonna be a mom.” She shrugs and starts helping me, leaving me to suffer in my own head space.
Before dinner is served we talk about the pregnancy symptoms. The cravings, the sickness, the crazy hormones, and how far along I am. All of it. Distracting me just enough to stop thinking about tomorrow.
“Mama James, that was fucking good!” I lick my fingers then kiss them. I love the famous James chicken casserole.
“Our Lana made it, I just made the salad.” I look at my girl next to me, her head on my shoulder while my arm rests on the back of her chair. She looks tired, her eyes opening and closing slowly, dragging each time.
“Thanks baby. I’m ready for movie night.” Perking up at the mention of movie night, she smiles up at me. Every time her dad went away for a training or a mission, I would show up with some oldies movies and movie bought popcorn. We would sneak into her bedroom after her mom went to sle
ep and watch them together.
“Yay! I want to watch the Breakfast Club! Can we?”
“Sure. I’m down. First, I want you to soak in a bath while I clean up the dishes.” I kiss her forehead and she nods against my lips eagerly causing our connection to break and Becky and me to laugh.
“Okay! Hurry up and don’t forget to make us popcorn!” Not even giving me a goodbye kiss, she leaps from her chair and bounds up the stairs.
“Anyway, mama James,” I stand collecting the plates from the table. “You go ahead and relax I’ll clean up.”
“I know about the baby.” Stopping in my tracks, my back to her, I curse silently. How did she find out? Pivoting slowly, I nod.
“Yeah.” Now standing in front of me, she has her arms crossed, her eyes shooting daggers into me.
“You better be a damn good father and you better make an honest woman out of her, or some shit like that.” She laughs, the sudden change in her demeanor catching me off guard.
“How did you know and are you mad or no?” Coming to take a stand next to me, she wraps one arm around my waist and puts her head against my arm.
“I’m not mad. I mean I wish she would have waited a couple more years, but love doesn’t have a timeline, shoot I had Lana when I was barley turning seventeen. However,” she moves her head from its spot and leaves my side, “her dad may not be as calm as I was. So be prepared, okay?”
