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Shaking out my palms and bouncing on the balls of my feet, I release a breath. Preparing myself for war. Taking slow steps, I approach her slightly ajar door and wrap my knuckles against the painted wood.
“Hey baby, can I come in?” She’s standing in front of the floor to ceiling windows similar to the ones in the living room.
“Sure.” She isn’t doing anything, just staring out the window, her arms wrapped around her tiny body.
I approach her slowly, gauging her reaction. When she stays still, I do what I’ve been aching to do. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I bend and place my face in the crook of her thin neck, inhaling her scent. The smell of jasmine and vanilla mixed with the perfect amount of Lana nearly has my knees buckling.
“Baby, talk to me, please,” I let out a strangled cry. I’m lost without her words, broken without her voice, dissolved into nothing without her touch.
“Kingston. I’m sorry. I can’t do this,” she cries. Bringing my eyes up from her neck, I see her reflection in the glass. Clear as day she has tears streaming down her angelic face.
“Lana, please let me have you. Let me be your everything. I will fix it, I promise.”
“Kingston, I don’t want to be anyone’s everything again. I want to heal, I need to heal myself.” Her words sting me like a dull knife stabbing into my chest.
“Baby, please, why are you pushing me out? Did us making love not mean anything to you that night?” I refer to the night of the attack, the one where we made love for hours. Not sex, not fucking, but lovemaking, the kind of shit that turns a boy into a man.
“Of course it meant something to me Kingston. It always will, but...”
“Always will? I don’t like that you aren’t giving us a chance, Lana,” I say as she turns in my arms. Trying to push me away, she places her hands on my biceps and pushes.
“Please, just leave me alone.”
“No, Lana! You’re mine and I don’t walk away from the one I love!” I scream and just like that I regret the words I’ve just said. Cowering, she covers her face with her arms, stepping back.
“Please stop! Just go, I’m sorry! Please!” Dropping to the floor, she covers her ears and starts trembling, her body moving back and forth. I realize what I’ve done, I made her afraid, pushed her back into the past she wishes she could have escaped.
“Lana! Baby stop, it’s me,” I lower my voice. Dropping to my knees, I level myself with her. I become the submissive.
“Kingston.” She looks up when she finally stops shaking.
“Yeah, it’s me baby, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Come here.” She shakes as I help her into my lap.
“What happened, baby?”
“You scared me, it was all too much.”
“I’m an idiot. I shouldn’t have done that, baby. I will never hurt you Lana. Please believe that.”
“I don’t believe anyone, anymore.”
“Baby, don’t fall asleep in the tub.” I’m alerted by the sound of Lana’s voice. Looking over at the vanity, I see her dressed in her sexy nighty, making her bump more pronounced.
“Sorry, I just...” I start to stutter, feeling both shitty for ever doing that to her and at the same time fucking blessed that I came out of that dream and straight back into my reality—where Lana is mine.
“Just what? Jerked yourself too hard you fell asleep?” she teases over her shoulder. I love that smile, I love that sass and man, do I love that ass.
“You’re funny. No, I just dozed. I had a lot to do today at work,” I lie, hiding the house surprise.
“Maybe you need a spa day.”
“No, I need a Lana day.” She smirks, her eyes growing soft as she turns to face me.
“How about you finish up your bath and I will give you a good massage tonight, rub out your big muscles.” I don’t even reply. I hurry and stand from the bath, bubbles and water rushing off my body. She giggles and throws me my towel, leaving me to finish.
“Dork,” she says over her shoulder.
“You’re a dork,” I yell after her retreating body.
