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“I know, I laid out a ton your wedding weekend.” She passes me the jeans I want to add on the mannequin.
“How are our little nuggets doing?” I gesture to her stomach, she looks so happy—beautiful. Finally she has found her peace with Trey.
“They’re good, we can’t wait to find out the sex, we find out in three weeks.”
“How exciting! I think they’re boys.” She giggles, carefree.
“No, I think they’re girls.” She blushes rubbing her belly. I envy her, wishing so badly I could just be with Kingston without any drawbacks—I wish my past could be water under the bridge. The light in Shayla’s eyes when she talks about her babies and Trey makes the pit in my stomach hollow out, the pain in my heart weigh heavy.
“Speaking of babies, have you told my brother?” she interrupts me and I get flustered, shrugging my shoulders. I told her I would tell Kingston and I haven’t.
Damn it.
Note to self, if you date your best friend’s brother, don’t tell her anything you don’t want him to know. Shayla has been pushing me to tell Kings about the baby and I’m not ready. Plain and simple. Call me selfish, call me a bitch, call me narrow-minded—I don’t care. With where him and I are right now, neither of us are ready to have this conversation, we are barely hanging on by a shredded thread as it is.
“No,” I answer, walking away.
“Lana. You need to tell him. This isn’t fair to him or you. And you pretty much had this same conversation regarding me telling Trey about my infertility, so it’s only right I have this with you.” Turning back I shake my head back and forth, warning her to not start with this whole thing.
“I know that but I think I would rather do anything else, shit, even wait for the baby to come.” I shrug and Shayla snorts, fucking snorts at me.
“Really?” she questions, shaking her head in disbelief. “You know L, I told you I would let you tell him and wouldn’t go behind your back. Well, things change and I don’t need you blaming me or getting mad at me later.” She waits a brief moment until I concede. Letting out an audible sigh, I take the bait.
“Fine.”
“Good. Now, I love you like a sister, you mean the world to me, you know that. However, you seem to be neglecting that love. Kingston is my brother, my best friend, and I can’t hide information like the woman he loves is carrying his child. Don’t ask me to do it anymore. If you don’t tell him within the next twenty-four hours, I will.” Her threat is crystal fucking clear. I guess now wouldn’t be the best time to tell her him and I are on a break. Shayla is a fiery angry redhead and I don’t want to see her wrath today.
“Okay,” I answer in defeat. Her squinted eyes try to assess if I’m lying.
“Good. Now we have customers and it’s your turn. I made a huge sale on the phone this morning, try and keep up.” She winks at me and pats me on the ass.
Days like these make me wish I wasn’t pregnant so I could drown my issues in a bottle of vodka.
By the end of the day my feet are dragging—not only am I physically exhausted, I emotionally can’t handle any more stress. I just can’t. Baby and I need a nap.
Lana fucking James ripped open my chest and tore out my fucking heart like a man-eater. I didn’t fight to stay, I didn’t fight to make us work. I got off that plane and drove us home, she went to her apartment and I went to mine.
I contemplated twenty different ways of going to her and begging her to stop all this bullshit and fucking have me, let me have her. Let me be her King so I can cherish and protect my fucking Queen. Instead, I spent my week away from her at work— and spent my nights alone.
My office door swings open and the tornado that is Trey hops through the door all fucking smiles. Dick is lucky, he has my saint of a sister as his wife and two beautiful babies coming soon. He’s experiencing life and I’m experiencing death.
“Alright, shithead, you’ve been moping around all day and ignoring me. I’ve been gone all week, talk to me. What’s your deal?” He plops down on the chair in front of me and I
stare at him, envisioning my fist meeting his face, wiping that pretty boy smile right off. I’m beyond bitter, envious and green because he is so fucking happy.
“Lana and I called it off last week, that’s my fucking deal.” No longer smiling, he loses his humor, a frown setting deep.
“Shit man. Well, at least you can move on from all that. No way is fighting that much and then just covering it up with sex healthy.” Hold that thought, I might just hit him. Fuck my sister’s feelings, she’ll understand.
Practically leaping out of my chair, it slams back against the wall with a loud crunch. I don’t need to look back to know I dented the wall or caused it to fucking crack.
“You can be a real asshole. I never told my sister to leave you when you were crying all the time like a little bitch. You don’t know Lana and me, you don’t understand how much I love her and trust me, I’ve fucking tried to leave her, but I can’t. I fucking can’t!” Trey has no idea how hard this whole thing has been on me. How arduous it is to be with Lana, and how terrible it is to be without her. I’m in a gladiator rink with a lion, I stand no chance of winning.
“Dude, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to piss you off, it just sucks to see you so miserable all the time.” He surrenders, backing down a little. I appreciate his effort, but I’m still riled up.
“I’m not miserable. I’m fucking torn into two pieces. Being without her is like being in a drought waiting for rain, being with her is like being drowned in the ocean completely consumed by her. That, Trey, is fucking torture.” My voice deepens, losing its edge as I knock myself down a few pegs. I’m on high alert right now, between missing my lady and feeling like shit for just walking away, I can’t seem to control myself.
“Alright, step back then, what happened? Why’d you guys break up—I mean whatever you were calling it since you weren’t together.” I couldn’t glare at him more sideways if I fucking tried.
