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“It might help if we start planning the wedding,” I say.
“Hell, maybe we should go to the court house and get married today.”
My breath catches in my throat. His proposal, his marriage proposal, highjacks my emotions, sending them into a tailspin. There’s a voice in my heads screaming maybe we should. That’s probably the same inner voice that pushed me to take off my shirt at the concert last night. She might even be the mastermind behind the champagne in the bedroom. And she’s probably still high on the post-orgasm endorphins. She can’t be trusted.
My heart sinks. My best friend just proposed with a “maybe we should …” line over the phone. The logical voice in my head tells me to hang up now. A marriage proposal, even a decent one, can lead to disaster. But one made for entirely the wrong reasons is guaranteed to implode.
I stare out across the field beside the path. Strollers dot the landscape. Small children crawl off blankets onto the grass while their caregivers chat. Everyone is bundled up in coats and jackets, enjoying the crisp fall day. It’s a beautiful tableau, apart from one piece.
Me.
I don’t belong here.
I should be at home in the country, not discussing a trip to the courthouse with Gavin. Has he lost his mind? Did the sex affect his brain?
I close my eyes, blocking out central park and the dog pressing her cone against my leg.
“You would get married instead of admitting that you were beaten and abused as a kid?” I ask, although I know the answer. Gavin Black would do anything to appear invincible. No matter how much I love him, I cannot marry a man whose happiness is directly linked to his ability to hide part of himself. Heck, I can’t marry any man who proposes over the phone.
“It’s bad enough that it happened,” he says slowly. “I won’t let anyone connect me to that broken, weak kid in the pictures. I’ll do anything to deny it. But I never thought she would dredge up your marriage like this. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s part of who I am.”
“Kayla, she’s on national TV claiming you’ve always been a puppet for the men in your life.”
I picture the bedroom I shared with Mr. Mistake. He selected every piece of furniture and décor down to the books lining the shelves. Yet, I had to quit my job, at his request, to focus on decorating that horrible space.
“She’s right,” I say simply. “I felt like a puppet for years.”
“I never saw you that way.”
I reach for Luna, needing to feel her soft Labrador fur beneath my hands. Ignoring his comment, I continue. “I still think the best plan is to ignore her and start planning our wedding as if everything she says is pure crazy talk.”
“Kayla.” There’s a long pause, then he adds. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay Gavin, we’re going to get through this. It’s just more complicated than we predicted.”
Isn’t that the understatement of the century? I slept with the one person in the world I need to keep in my life. Well, the one person aside from my mother, who now believes I’m going to actually marry my best friend against her objections.
And Gavin’s blackmailing ex dragged my failed marriage into the spotlight.
“Complicated” doesn’t quite cover it.
“Kayla.” He’s quiet for a moment and I wonder if someone walked into his office and distracted him. “I don’t regret last night. Real, fake, I want you in my bed again.”
Okay, so he’s still alone—and willing to dive deeper into the wild, swirling river of complications.
Say no.
If I were following the logical route, I would thank him for the offer of sex in his office. But despite the fact that I can picture exactly how that would play out right down to the mind-blowing his and her orgasms, my heart can’t take it. In fact, I need to pack up right now and head for the country. I should close the door on the possibility of having sex with Gavin ever again.
Luna whimpers and I open my eyes. I stare at the Labrador eager to continue her walk. Didn’t I promise myself when I left Mr. Mistake that I would listen to my heart and my gut no matter what anyone else thought? Of course, I never thought I’d end up here. But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t want to run away and hide. I want to listen to the voice in my head that says sex on his desk is a brilliant idea. I want to believe I’m strong enough to walk away when this is all over. I want to think I’ll leave knowing that I was true to myself.
“Kayla?” Gavin says. “Did I lose you?”
Never.
He will break my heart in the end, but he’ll never lose me.
