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“Yeah,” I admit.
“You’re terrified of this woman and you’re desperate for answers.”
She glances up from the table. “I know what you look like when you’re frightened. I know what you look like when you’ve been beaten.”
“Kayla.” Her name comes out as a plea, but hell I feel as if she’s torn off a layer of protection, leaving me raw and vulnerable. I raise my hand to my face and run it down to my mouth. My thumb presses into the day-old stubble on my jaw. I thought she would be pissed when I asked if she spilled my secrets. Her understanding borders on fucking overwhelming.
“I’ve seen you backed into a corner,” she continues, her tone gentle, but firm. “Right now, I know your demons are winning.”
“Alexandra’s winning,” I snap. “This should have been over days ago. I pay Margaret a small fortune to maintain my image, and here we are, dueling with a woman I met at the gym through the New York media.”
“You could tell the truth,” she says. “Release the demons on your terms.”
“No.” I look straight into her dark eyes. “I know that’s not that answer you want. But I can’t do that.”
She stares back at me for a long time. I swear I read the disappointment in her expression. But she just nods her head and says, “Okay.”
“That’s it?” Where are her passionate protests and demands?
She sets Ginger on the chair beside her. Then she pushes back from the table, careful not to disturb Rocky. “Let’s take a break from the planning and worrying.”
“And do what? Walk the dogs?”
“They’re fine.” She heads for the door. “I had a different type of break in mind.”
“Kayla.”
I don’t move a muscle. Sex has always been served on a plate lined with lust and desire. The precursors never scratch below the surface. I’ve made love to women while riding the high of pure fucking fantasy. I’ve made love to Kayla surrounded by people, wondering if we would get caught, and in my bed. But this invitation feels different. As if she’s found a place where nothing, past or present, can touch me—can touch us.
Fuck. Listen to me. I could spend the next hour, hell the next day, in bed with Kayla and my problems would still be waiting when we emerged.
She pauses in the doorway leading to the hall. “Are you coming?”
“Yes.” I push back from the table and head for Kayla. I take her hand and lead her up the front stairs to the master bedroom knowing that this “break” or whatever she wants to call it won’t change anything.
But I can’t escape the hope that I’m wrong.
CHAPTER 21
KAYLA
Gavin needs a hug.
That’s what ran through my mind when he refused to debate the pros and cons of sharing his past with the world. I had my arguments ready.
It will only be a story for a day, maybe two.
I would start with that argument. Then I would try to convince him it would feel good to let go of the fear. And end with the fact that what happened to him wouldn’t haunt his day-to-day if he no longer felt the need to hide.
But one look at Gavin and I knew he would never believe the pain would dissipate once he shared his past. And I couldn’t promise that it would. I grew up with two loving parents. Empathy only goes so far when trying to imagine what it would feel like to live with the emotional scares of his childhood.
So I turned to my tried-and-true action plan. The one I used when we were kids and he showed up at the bus stop looking like a puppy that expected to be kicked all day—Gavin needs a hug.
But now, standing beside his king-sized platform bed, I see the flaws in my plan. We’re not kids anymore. His bed includes a tan leather headboard. The overtly masculine design doesn’t stop there. Nothing about the leather-topped dresser or the oversized recliner in the corner says, “This guy needs a hug and a teddy bear.”
He strips off his shirt and I realize there are many, many factors that I didn’t consider when following this particular plan. Gavin Black’s perfect stomach replaces the room’s décor at the top the list.
His pants hit the floor, followed by his underwear and socks. And I’m forced to admit that giving my best friend a comforting hug is different from wrapping my arms around a naked Gavin.
