Yes, all I had to do was wait.
Surely, I’d be rescued by afternoon. I could hang on for a few hours; I just had to remain calm.
But then the rain started.
Fear overrode exhaustion.
Fear overrode my pep talk.
Fear overrode everything.
All I could do was shake in terror. Dread flowed through my body like the rain flowing down the walls of the abandoned mine shaft. It mixed with the earth-packed ground, turning pockets of dirt into mud.
The light from the opening dimmed as angry black storm clouds filled the sky.
A sob escaped my throat as the rain dampened my pants. Brooks’ flannel did very little to keep me warm and my hands grew stiff with cold.
I tried to move around the confined area, but my tennis shoes sank into mud with an audible squelch.
Stupid.
I was so incredibly stupid.
I’d left the safety of the apartment. At some point, between the car and tumbling down a mine shaft, I’d lost my phone. Not that I expected to have cell service down here even if I still had it with me, but now I’d never know.
And like a fool, I hadn’t even been carrying mace, let alone bear spray.
Drizzle turned into sheets of rain. I went to the wall with the aged piece of decaying wood. I kicked the rotten slab and it cracked and broke, revealing an entrance deeper into the mine shaft.
I didn’t know much about old, abandoned mine shafts, but because they weren’t maintained, I imagined their drainage system wasn’t top notch. And I couldn’t go deeper into the mine for fear I’d miss my own rescue. I had to staynear the entrance. At least the new opening would allow me recess out of pouring rain and hopefully I would not freeze to death before help came.
A stream of water formed at my feet and began to flow rapidly through the tunnel into the mine shaft.
I pressed a hand to my belly.
I’m so sorry.
I was sorry that I couldn’t protect my baby. Sorry that I’d placed us in danger in the first place. Sorry that I’d run when I should’ve faced Brooks.
Sorry that I’d never get the chance to love him fully, the way he loved me. Sorry that we wouldn’t be together or get to have a family.
Sorry that I was just another person he’d have to survive losing.
The temperature continued to drop and I was trapped.
I’m going to die in here.
I closed my eyes and prayed to God that if I had to die, that it would be quick.
I’m so cold.
And I was getting colder, fast. The rain had soaked me before I’d moved into the shelter of the mine shaft. Shivers wracked my body.
Then I started to have crazy, exhausted, frigid thoughts . . .
The idea of dying was terrifying . . . but why?
Whywas I so afraid of dying? The pain? Yes. Of course I didn’t want the pain. But it went deeper than that. The instinct to survive was chiseled into our DNA. But that was just biology. But what I felt in the mine shaft wasn’t only biology. It was something else.
