“What?” I asked.
“Hm?”
“Why are you staring at me?”
He spit out a laugh. “I'm waiting for you to tell me why you're here.”
“Oh.”
After a few moments of silence, I said, “Things are already pretty shitty between us, so I suppose I can't make it any worse, right?”
Sebastian's smile faded. “Maeve, listen?—”
“No. Let me talk.”
He closed his mouth and nodded, giving me his undivided attention.
“What you did to me really sucked,” I stated, sucking in a breath of air before continuing. “The reason why I think you did it sucks even more.”
Sebastian leaned back further on his hands and drew in a breath, his abdomen flexing and rippling. “And what reason might that be?”
“Well, I can only assume, seeing as you keep your feelings under lock and key, butI thinkthatyou thinkyou're unworthy of love. That because of your past you don't deserve love. And I don't know who you used to be, but I know who you are now, and I know that you are a good person who deserves good things.”
“This probably isn't the best time to talk about this,” Sebastian murmured, shuffling on the edge of the mattress.
Rising from the chair, I took a few wobbly steps towards him with a silencing finger held against my lips.
“Despite how you may feel, to deny yourself of being happy…” I shook my head. “It's not fair to yourself. It's not fair to me or to anyone else you're with, if there is someone.”
The alcohol in my stomach bubbled up my throat at the idea of him being with someone else. Maybe I'd misread the whole situation. Maybe he really just didn't want to be with me. Maybe he just wanted a hookup that night. Regardless, I swallowed the spit in my mouth. “I don't care how much youtry to deny it, I know the truth. I know the night of the gala that you wanted me just as much as I wanted you—as much as Istillwant you.”
His mandible ticked as I moved close enough to smell his skin. “So stop being an ass and pushing the people you care about away. Allow yourself to be happy. You deserve it, even if you think you don't.”
Sebastian looked up into my eyes, which gleamed with a few stray tears. I hadn't even realized I'd been crying. As I said before, alcohol and feelings didn't mix.
He reached a hand up and brushed a lock of hair behind my ear. “First of all, there's no one else,” he whispered, and I exhaled in relief. “Second, I'm sorry. For all of it. For pushing you away time and time again. For the crap I pulled at the gala. For not apologizing to you sooner.”
I bit my cheek. “That part is my fault. You kept trying to talk to me and I wouldn't let you. If I hadn't been so stubborn…” My head shook. “I’ve lost so much time by being angry with you.”
“None of this is your fault. I just get so caught up in my own head that I?—”
“I know.” He didn't need to elaborate. I knew how complicated his mind was. How complex his thinking could be.
“What you said to me at the gala, it freaked me the fuck out, for lack of better words. I realized that I felt the same about you and just hadn’t admitted it to myself yet. It's been eating away at me since that night, but I didn't want to push too hard for you to talk to me. I figured I’d blown my chances with you. And you and Sawyer have gotten pretty close, so I figured maybe something was going on there. Hence why I’ve been kinda a dick lately.”
My nose scrunched. “Me and Sawyer? No chance.” Him and I were just friends. Nothing more than that.
Sebastian huffed a deep breath, then dragged his eyesback to mine. “I want to be with you more than I want anything else in the world, and that is the truth.”
I sniffled at his admission and suddenly felt very sober.
“Don't cry.”
“I'm not crying.”
“Right.” He grinned as he wiped the tears from my cheeks.
When he removed his hand, I placed my back towards him and took a few steps away. My heart stuttered in my chest, my palms sweating. I should have let him talk to me when he tried. Instead, I spent months being stubborn and foolish.
