“Yeah. He came knocking on my door after he dropped you off. Filled me in quickly before doing the same to Kohen and then went off to see his father.” Sawyer turned his torsotowards me, looking me in the eyes all too seriously as his voice dropped to a whisper. “He told us about your powers, how harnessing them too much makes you sick. And about the plan you two had in place so that we can continue it.”
My body froze, but my eyes widened. Why would he do that? For over two months he let me train with Sawyer without so much of a word of my weakness to him. Granted, Sebastian was still around to keep an eye on me, but why did he decide to tell him now? My gut churned. Unless he thought he would be gone for an unforeseeable amount of time…or that he wouldn't be coming back.Oh gods.
Sawyer recognized my shock and waved his hands dismissively. “It's okay, we’re not going to tell anyone. Seb just wanted me to know so that I didn't train you so hard that you get sick…er.” His eyes were apologetic as they roamed the frailness of my figure, caused by his training.
He raised his attention back to my face. “Anyways, King Hawthorne called us all to the throne room at three in the morning. Told us how Seb overheard a conversation from some of the traitors, and that he needed half of us to volunteer to go to Craterra.”
My heart fell out of my chest and rolled across the floor. It bled through the cement, the heavy weight of it burying into the dirt underneath.
Sebastianvolunteered?
Why would he do that? I knew it was my insecurities talking, but I couldn't help but think he just wanted to get away from me, especially after what we did in the archives. Was it too much for him? Maybe this was his sick way of trying to push me away again—because he realized he couldn't handle it.
Sawyer's eyes widened as he realized what I was thinking. “Gods, Maeve, no.” He put a hand on my shoulder in comfort. “He did this to protect you. I promise.”
“How can you protect someone if you aren't here?” Myquestion did not warrant an answer. I dropped my head to my feet, watching my toes as they wiggled in my socks.
I sniffled, and this time, I accepted the handkerchief when Sawyer tried to pass it to me.
“Why didn't you volunteer?” I asked through shuddered breathing.
“Seb asked me not to. Asked me to stay and watch after you. He wanted to make sure that no one else was responsible for training you so that you don't get sick again.”
“He could have stayed and did that himself,” I complained, the words coming out ruder than I meant them to. “I'm sorry, I?—”
“It's fine. You have a right to be angry, hurt, sad…whatever you're feeling.”
There were a few moments of silence before Sawyer asked, “Why didn't you say anything?”
Knowing immediately what he referred to, I shrugged as my response. My reasoning didn't seem good enough anymore.
“How bad was it? Full transparency, right now.”
“Sawyer, that doesn't matter now. Everything is okay?—”
“Tell me,” he demanded in a tone I had never heard from him. And that was saying something, considering our introduction.
I sighed in defeat. As much as I didn't want to divulge this information, he deserved the truth. “I passed out more than I’d like to admit. Got sick almost every night after we trained. I couldn't eat because it was just more for me to throw up later on. The pain I got in my head when I wielded too hard was unbearable, yet somehow I pushed through it night after night.”
His eyebrows furrowed in dismay, his freckled cheeks sinking into his skull. “I had no idea.”
“I’m good at hiding things I don't want people to know. Icould have just as easily told you what was going on, but I didn't. And the only person to blame for that is myself.”
“If I had known how bad it was…Fuck. I would have stepped in. I?—”
“Can we not talk about this anymore, please?” I fiddled with the handkerchief between my fingers. “Did he tell you…about us?” Sebastian and I were so new that I hadn't even told Pia about us yet. I'd been soaking it all in, enjoying having this secret between him and I.
“He didn't need to.”
“That obvious, huh?” I forced a chuckle.
Sawyer draped his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into a one-armed hug against the wall. “For some reason, your sarcastic ass really does something to him.”
I gave him the side eye.
He continued, “You can get through to him—break open the barriers that Kohen and I have never been able to. It doesn't take a genius to know that there's something special between the two of you.”
“Then why did he leave?” My voice quaked.
