I figured that much. He’d likely lie in bed tonight, gazing at the ceiling while he relived the past few months over and over in his head.
I couldn't even begin to imagine the things he'd seen as a soldier. Someday I'd have to see those things as well. To my knowledge, there was no way to prepare for seeing bodies collapse and bleed out around you, some of them by the knife in your own hand.
The vision made me tremble. I didn't know how I could ever kill someone. I did know however, that someday—likely soon—I’d have no other choice.
No wonder Sebastian was theway he was. I could hardly stomach the thought of killing someone, let alone actually do it.
I took a step back and watched him stroll to his friend’s room as if nothing at all happened back in Craterra.
Sebastian caught me studying him. He fell back and put his arm over my shoulder. “I know what you're thinking, and I'm telling you, I’m really fine.”
“I know.” I let him think that I believed him. There was no way he was okay after all of that. He was the strongest man I’d ever met, but he would break. It was just a matter of time. And when he did, I’d be there to pick up the pieces.
Sebastian dropped his arm to open Kohen's door, where our friends were waiting to welcome him home. Pia’s eyes widened when she saw him. She lunged at her cousin, squealing as she wrapped her arms around him in a hug. Kohen had to practically tear her away so that he could greet his friend after months of uncertainty.
Sawyer winked as he approached us. My cheeks flushed as he held his hand up to Sebastian for a high five, which he of course declined with a look of warning, instead pulling his friend into a one-armed hug.
Sawyer’s expression softened. “Glad you're back.”
Sebastian patted his back. “Me too.”
They pulled away from each other when Kohen waved a bottle between them. “Who wants a celebratory drink?”
We all took turns with the bottle and filled Sebastian in on what he missed. Sawyer told him how my training had been going well, and how Ialmostkicked his ass. His words, not mine. I knew that I knocked him down at least a couple times in the past few months. We laughed as we told Sebastian about the sad excuse of a birthday party we threw him, ruined by yours truly. I was glad there were no hard feelings about that night.
It was making for a fun evening, but then Pia raised a question. “Hey, where's Jocelyn? She must be back now, too,right?” She took a slug from the bottle, then passed it to Kohen.
Sawyer tried to act nonchalant, but I knew he was wondering about Jocelyn’s whereabouts, as well. He was just too uptight to ask himself.
All eyes pointed to Sebastian, awaiting his response, but he didn't say a word.
He just…froze.
Complete and utter silence filled the room, and my heart sank with realization.
Pia gasped, throwing a hand up to cover her quivering lips.
Kohen clenched his jaw, his knuckles turning white around the bottle.
And Sawyer fucking screamed.
He yelled so loud that the bottle fell from Kohen's hand, shattering on the floor.
Sawyer stepped through the shards of glass and grabbed Sebastian by the shoulders, shaking him. “Do not tell me that what I'm thinking is true.” His eyes were already sparkled with wetness.
“I'm sorry, man. I did everything I could, but there was too much blood. I couldn't stop it. She…I—” Sebastian stuttered through the unwelcome news. “She wasn't alone. I buried her. I—” He stopped himself again. There was no need to say anything more.
Sawyer’s arms slumped to his sides. He looked up at the ceiling in disbelief, then hung his head and began to pace through the room.
The silence was deafening.Horrifying. But no one dared to break it despite our own grief. We waited for Sawyer to do the honors.
With a tic in his jaw, Sawyer stormed back to where Sebastian stood, jamming an accusatory finger into his chest. “I was here, keepingyour girlsafe, and you couldn't dothe same fucking thing forme?” he cursed through gritted teeth.
Though I shouldn't have, I pitched in. “Sawyer, you know he has no control over what happens?—”
“Don’t.” Sawyer turned his attention to me. “This is your fucking fault, and you know it.” He glowered at me, an expression I hadn't seen from him since we first met. “None of this shit would even be happening if it weren't for you and your rare fucking gemstones.”
My jaw clamped shut and I backed away at his accusation. Why was he taking this out on me? I thought we were friends—maybe even best friends.
