“Come out here.” Sawyer placed a hand on my back and guided me out of the room, leaving the door open a crack so that we could still hear what was going on.
I drew a shuddered breath, all the anger and fear inside of me coming to a head. My teeth bit into my lip as I looked up at the ceiling, trying to hide the wetness in my eyes.
“Deep breaths, man.”
I listened, counting my inhales to try and gather myself. I needed to keep my shit together.
When I finally dropped my head, Sawyer stared at me like he was trying to decide if he should tell me everything, but heknew better than to withhold information from me—especially when it came to her.
I took another breath, then nodded to give him the go ahead.
“To start, it's not as bad as it looks. Her elbow is busted open. There's exposed bone and it's a pretty gnarly gash, but Pia closed it up enough so that it stopped bleeding.”
Sawyer's expression changed as he continued. “Her breathing is fucked. One of those assholes collapsed her lung. We were going to bring her to the infirmary, but since I didn't know what was really going on down there, we held off. I think that was the right call anyway—Pia worked on that first and her breathing seems more normal now.”
I let out a sigh of relief.
“Her face looks worse than it really is, I think. There were pieces of skin hanging but Pia got them to scab up pretty good—she doesn't even think it will leave a scar. She's working on reducing the swelling now. She definitely has a gnarly concussion though, but Pia should be able to help that at least a little bit.”
Thank the gods.
“Overall, Maeve should be fine. But Seb, that was close…too close. We shouldn't have left?—”
I cut him off. “Don't tell me that we shouldn't have left her,” I snarled, emphasizing each word. “Don’t you think I fucking know thatIshouldn’t have left her?” I slammed my fist into the stone wall. “FUCK.”
I put my back against the wall, sliding down it and supporting my arms on my knees, sinking my head between them. My knuckles bled and ached as I shook my head, scoffing to myself.
This is what I had been worried about. I let myself care too much. I cared about her more than I ever planned to, more than I should.
She didn't believe me, but I was no good for her. Thethings I just did to those men down there, without showing an ounce of mercy—the things I've done to others before them—if she saw that side of me then she would understand.
Sawyer sat down next to me, ignoring my outburst. “She's gonna be fine, Seb, really.”
My fingers tangled into my hair. “I know, I know, I just?—”
“What?”
I looked up at Sawyer. “I just brutally executed two men for her, and I don't have anounceof remorse. None at all. That'sneverhappened to me before.” I always felt a twinge or pain with each life I took, no matter the circumstances. But not this time. If anything, I felt overjoyed knowing the assholes were dead.
“The fuckers had it coming.”
“I know they did. They deserved even more for what they did to her. It's just the fact that I did it so easily…So relentlessly.”
There was nothing I wouldn't do for her. Absolutelynothing.
“I slit their throats and watched them bleed out.” I said quietly, staring at Sawyer, who didn't so much as blink. “I crushed Lucan's skull with my boot after he was already dead. Just because.”
Sawyer shuffled a little, but still did not respond.
“I would do it time and time again if I had to. The extent I would go to keep her safe is fucking terrifying,” I confessed, although I didn’t know why I said it out loud, especially to Sawyer who had been a damn ghost lately.
“That's love, man.” Kohen's soft spoken voice appeared. “I’d do the same for Pia. And both of you idiots, too, if I had to.”
I didn’t even hear him join us. How long had he been out here?
My head shook, trying to deny his claim, but he was right. I fucking loved her. I loved her more than anything in ourrealm or beyond the veil. I just wanted to be able to love her in the way that she deserved. There was too much she didn't know about me. Too much I hadn't told her.
“She’ll hate me when she sees who I really am. I've been telling her that for months…I’ll ruin her. I can't love her in the way she wants me to. I—” My voice trailed off as I rambled. I was too fired up right now and divulging more than I typically liked to share.
