“Like anyone could sleep through the ruckus you're making,” I scoffed
“What the hell happened?” he asked sternly, looking pissed.
Though my muscles burned with movement, I sat up on my mattress. “Yousawwhat happened. You walked in on them trying to kill me.”
Sawyer glared at me, clenching his fists. “I meant the part where you somehow forgot how to use your combat skills. I mean, come on, Maeve! Seb and I have been training you for almost a year, how the hell did you let them beat on you like that?” he shouted at me.
My eyes widened. “Are you serious right now?”
“Dead.”
My teeth ground against each other. “Well for starters,asshole, it was two against one. One of them was a second year who had a hundred pounds on me, and the other was a damn psycho who knew how to wield tripwire from fucking vines!” I yelled back.
Sawyer huffed, his face turning red from anger. “You're better than that.I taught youbetter than that,” he snarled.
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I guess you aren't as good of a teacher as you think.”
Sawyer’s mouth clamped shut, pressing into a thin line as he glared at me, completely unamused with my comeback.
“I'm the one who almost died, so if you came in here just to be a dick, do me a favor and screw off.” I gestured to the door. This was the last thing I needed right now.
Sawyer grasped the footboard, his forehead creased as he leaned into my face. “Yeah, you're the one who almost died. ButI'mthe one who carried your practically lifeless body upstairs, praying to the gods that you were still alive by the time Pia got here.I’m the one who had to lie to his best fucking friend and tell him that his girl just ‘looked worse than she really was.’ And I'm the one who still has your blood stained into their skin!” He held his hands up to me, veiny and dyed red.
His face softened into an expression that could have been confused for heartbreak. “You could have died, Maeve. I’m sure Sebastian didn't tell you because he doesn't even know the half of it, but if it weren't for Pia getting here when she did, youwouldbe dead right now. You were barely breathing by the time I got you upstairs.” His voice lowered and he pulled his face back. “You scared the shit out of me.”
Frowning, my eyes dropped to my sheets. “I tried. I really, really tried,” I croaked, the bleak sentence the only thing I could come up with at the moment.
Sawyer shoved his hands into his pockets as he moved totake a seat at the foot of my bed. “I know.” He sighed, his tone relaxing a bit. His back was to me, leaving only his uniform and the shags of his brown hair visible. His head shook ever so faintly. “I'm sorry. I’ve been a complete ass to you the past few weeks.”
“Yeah, you kind of have.”
He looked to the side, angling an eye at me. “Sometimes in my life it just seems like I’m always the one that gets screwed over. And I don't mind because I care about you—you're one of my best friends. But—” He stopped himself.
“But what?”
Sawyer inhaled deeply, blowing the breath out audibly as he continued. “Yeah, Ihadfeelings for Jocelyn. But the way I reacted when she died—” He turned to face me head on. “Maybe this makes me even more of a dick, but when I found out that she died, I just kept thinking about you—how it could be you that we’d bury next, and it terrified me.”
My insides tangled. “But I was fine. I wasn't the one who went to Craterra. Nothing happened to me.”
He shook his head once more. “You aren't understanding.”
“What?”
“I can't lose you.”
My heart raced. “Oh.”
“I wouldn't survive it.”
Oh.
Sawyer looked away again, then pushed his hands off his lap to stand. His demeanor completely changed, as if he didn't just spill some of his deepest feelings to me. “Anyways, I'm sorry for how I've been acting. I truly am relieved that you're okay, I know Seb is, too.” He moved to my armchair, where he got comfortable to wait until Sebastian returned.
I didn't know what to say—not after what he just admitted to me.
What exactlydidhe admit to me? Sure, I was one of hisclosest friends and vice versa, but I had a feeling that our friendship was not what he referred to.
I gawked at him for a moment, then fell back down on the mattress. My body was getting weaker by the minute, and I needed to rest, especially knowing that a war could be declared any second.
