I gestured for the book, and he passed it to me. I tore out the page that had the prophecy on it, then reached over the side of my chair to shove it into my rucksack. Sebastian would likely have something to say about me degrading such a precious piece of history, but right now I couldn’t care less.
The panic inside of me reached an all-time high, and I visibly shook as the air in my lungs thickened, making it hard to breathe.
“Look at me.”
Tears hot as embers rained from my ducts. “I’m going todie,” I said so hushed that I wasn't even sure I said the words aloud.
Sebastian tilted my chin up with his thumb and forefinger, rubbing his other hand over my knuckles. “You are not going to die. That prophecy could mean so many things,” he assured me.
“You don’t know that,” I argued.
“No. I don’t. But my job is to protect you, andIwill die before I let anything happen to you,” he promised me, sliding his thumb up to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
I closed my eyes and blew out a quivered breath, nodding in acknowledgment that I’d heard his words. He was right. The prophecy could mean so many things. I wasn't doing myself any favors by jumping to the worst possible conclusion.
I took a few deep breaths, and once calmed, opened my eyes. “Maybe the sacrifice is referring to the?—”
Sebastian cut me off, sarcasm lacing his words. “If you bring up that damn crab again.”
“How did you know?”
“Lucky guess.”
The brief moment of humor faded, and I returned to the dread that had followed me ever since summer. Sebastian’s gaze met mine, and I allowed the beauty of his features to comfort me, feeling so undeniably safe with him.
“Why is it that you always see me at my worst moments?” I asked him, though my lips trembled.
“Oh, you mean like when you destroyed a perfectly good piece of literature a few moments ago?”
“I knew you wouldn’t let that slide.” A grin broke free from my lips. “You know what I mean though.”
Sebastian exhaled deeply through his nostrils. “You saw me at one of my worst moments the other day, so I think we’re even.”
Sniffling, I fiddled with my thumbs. “I can’t keep living like this,”I confided in him. “I’m exhausted spending every single day of my life worrying about what’s to come.”
Sebastian smiled sadly while he brushed a stray piece of my hair behind my ear. “I know.”
“When I got here—to the academy—I contemplated if death would really be worse than the fate I was given. For a moment, the thought of being buried gave me some peace…My life may be over, but it wouldn't be controlled by the hands of someone else.”
Sebastian stared at me, unmoving.
“The guilt I feel for thinking that—” I bowed my head. “I don't want to die.”
“You won't.”
“But what my life has turned into…” I tilted my head to the ceiling and shook it in denial. “Living like this is not living at all.” The feelings that consumed me when I first found out that I was gifted came rushing back.
Sebastian rolled back off of his knees to sit on the ground, giving me some space. “I know,” he repeated.
“Someday I’ll live again,” I promised myself, dropping my head to see him.
“Me too.”
“Somedaywe’lllive again.”
Chapter
Twenty-Three
