"I know." Marcus set down his cup. "You were angry. You've been angry since you came back from your second tour. The police department channeled it for a while, but when your partner turned out to be protecting the same traffickers you were investigating, and the department buried you instead of him, that anger stopped being useful. It started eating."
Zain's jaw was so tight it ached. Rodriguez. The name still tasted like betrayal. Six years partnered up. Thousands of hoursin a squad car together. The man had coached Zain through his detective exam, had stood as a character witness when the department tried to bury his misconduct complaint, had told himI've got your back, Zain, always, and all of it had been cover. A dirty cop protecting dirty money, and Zain had been too grateful for the friendship to see what was underneath it.
The friendship of a white cop who treated the Arab kid like a human being. That's what it had cost Zain to see clearly. The price of belonging.
"What's your point, Marcus?"
"My point is that you're doing the same thing now that you did then. Compartmentalizing. Running. The difference is that back then, you were running from betrayal. Now you're running from something you actually want."
The Glock lay in pieces on the cloth between them. Spring, slide, barrel, frame. A weapon dismantled into its components, and Zain couldn't tell if that was a metaphor or just a gun.
"He's a survivor of the thing we fight," Zain said. "I'm responsible for his safety. There's a power imbalance."
"Yes. I know the textbook answer. But you didn't write the textbook, and neither did he." Marcus leaned forward. "Seth is not a victim. Not anymore. He's a man who chose to stay, who chose to contribute, who choseyouwith full knowledge of what that means. You refusing to accept that choice isn't protecting him. It's insulting him."
Zain opened his mouth. Closed it.
"Your mother would have liked him," Marcus said, standing. He picked up his cup and walked to the sink. "She'd have said he hadazm. Determination. And she'd have told you to stop being an idiot."
"You never met my mother."
"I didn't have to. I know her son." Marcus rinsed his cup. Set it in the rack. "Think about it."
He left.
Zain sat in the kitchen and thought about his mother's hands in flour and the way she'd saidhabbibilike it was a spell that could keep the world at bay. He thought about Seth's hands gripping the pillow above his head. He thought about Rodriguez's handshake the last time they'd spoken, firm, warm, the grip of a man who had already decided to betray you but wanted one more moment of your trust first.
He thought about the difference between betrayal and vulnerability, and how they wore the same clothes but lived in different houses.
He sat there until the sky went gray, and then he went to find Seth.
Seth's door was open. Three inches. Enough to see in. Seth was asleep on the bed, curled on his side, one hand tucked under the pillow. The other rested on the mattress, palm up, fingers loosely curled. Open. Unguarded. The first time Zain had seen him look like that, without the wariness, without the constant calculation of distance and threat.
Zain stood in the hallway and watched him breathe.
He could go in. Sit on the edge of the bed. Say something.I talked to Marcus. I'm scared of what you're doing to me. My mother would have liked you.
He didn't go in.
He stood there for two minutes, counting Seth's breaths the way Seth counted exits, and then he pulled the door shut, gently, and went back to his own room and lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling and felt the compression settle back into place like a lock clicking closed.
In the morning, he didn't mention it. Neither did Seth, who may or may not have been asleep. Zain chose not to ask.
CHAPTER 11
He was lying and they both knew it.
Zain spent the next three days being exactly the person he'd trained himself to be, controlled, professional, distant. He ran ops with Marcus. He reviewed Ghost's intel. He trainedalone in the gym at hours when Seth was asleep, four AM, five AM, punishing the heavy bag until his knuckles split and bled through the wraps.
He didn't train Seth. Told him to work on the basics alone. Seth's jaw had set and his eyes had gone flat and he'd said "fine" in the voice that meant nothing was fine, and he'd gone to the gym and hit the bag with a ferocity that Zain heard through the floor of the meeting room and felt in his teeth.
The crew noticed. Of course they did.
"You want to talk about it?" Nate asked, leaning against the doorframe of the armory where Zain was doing inventory he didn't need to do.
"No."
"Okay. But for the record, the tension between you two is so thick I could perform surgery with it."
