Involuntarily, I glanced back at my guard, who was not close enough to overhear our conversation. Trying to buy myself some time, I turned toward the raised garden bed, lightly brushing my fingertips against the petals of a rose colored tulip. The delicate lines of the flower shimmered in the soft summer sun, but even its beauty could not distract me from the unpleasant conversations that had plagued my day.
I was confused. I was exhausted. I just wanted to escape from the place where everyone seemed to want something from me.
I watched Lord Rutherford with attention I hardly afforded him before. He would have been the most suitable candidate. He was not married, and as far as I knew, had no vices, he respected me enough not to try using awkward gallantries and had been direct with me from the verybeginning. And yet, even with the interests of all people in Talman at stake, I would not be able to accept what was wrong in its nature. Being with him seemed absolutely impossible. My heart, my soul, every inch of my skin, flesh and bones belonged to another.
How much happiness can one deeply unhappy person bring to others?I bit my lip, looking away.
“Alina?” He reached out and carefully lifted my chin.
“I need more time,” I whispered.
He tilted his head and his beautiful eyes searched my face.
“I can make you happy, but you need to trust me.”
I was feeling the whitebane traveling through my system, taking away the clarity I got used to having. It would be so easy to say yes, and let someone make the most important decision of my life for me. I hesitated only for a moment before giving him a light nod.
The little theater turned out to be a grand structure within the palace gates. I paused by the wide marble stairslooking up at the bright lights, then my eyes moved to theopen set of double doors. The public was swiftly ushered to move along, and I felt the need to follow Corliss and Lord Adger who were accompanying me for the evening. Lord Adger was wearing the colors of his clan with the pride of a person whomade it up the social ladder and could spend one night being pleasant to other less successful courtiers. Corliss wore a high collared dress adorned with an abundance of gemstones. The light of hundreds of candles in the crystal chandeliers reflected off the fabric of her gown and the faint sheen of sparkling powder on her cheeks.
“They did a good job restoring this place.” Lord Adger moved his head, examining the decorative sculptures on the walls, and the frescos on the ceiling.
“My dear, you would not believe the dreadful state this building was in before the council...” She paused, giving our companion a nod. “... led by Lord Adger, restored it.”
“I believe that our species requires nourishment of the mind as well as nourishment of the body,” Lord Adger responded with a light nod.
I stole a careful glance at my guard, then quickly looked away. Kent wore his usual dark blue uniform, his expression impenetrably grave. His long fingers were resting on the hilt of his sword.
As I thought about him, I realized he didn’t like swords.
He preferred the set of sharp knives attached to his thick leather belt. He could unsheathe them effortlessly, his movements fluid and precise as he sent them flying with remarkable force and accuracy. Sometimes, he would play with a knife absentmindedly, rotating it, tossing it up in the air and catching the blade with an almost effortless skill.
Somehow, I knew he never smiled much, but when he did, it was the most beautiful sight. He smiled when we weretogether; holding hands, leaning toward each other for a lazy, soft kiss. I could also picture him staying up half the night, reading books, and quietly watching over me while I slept.
He was loyal and protective, strong and uncompromising, yet incredibly gentle with everyone he cared about. There was no self-pity when things went wrong – he would always pick himself up and keep fighting. He knew no uncertainty or indecision when it came to protecting those around him.
I also knew the girl with the braids, the younger man with short, light hair, and the tall, bulky man were his friends. With them, he felt at ease, yet, he was always more protective of them than anyone could imagine.
We had not spoken to each other since the incident in the storage room. I could not forget what he said, or my own words that I threw back at him. That was not my best moment. I was angry and upset, and I wanted to hurt him, and by the look of it, I was successful at that.
“I believe we go this way.” Corliss turned toward the twisting set of stairs, covered in wine-red carpet.
The sounds of the live orchestra rehearsing, the bustle of the crowd, and the myriad of scents; the perfumes on the ladies and the tobacco smoke from the men, were almost too overwhelming. Amid the chaos of bright colors, the sparkling chandelier lights, the golden décor of the auditorium, and the brightly lit center stage, I finally took my seat on the private balcony.
My eyes scanned the crowd below, and I noticed several pairs of eyes looking at us in our loge, only partially concealed by two sets of velvet curtains on either side.
Corliss immediately took her seat beside me and Lord Adger made himself comfortable on the remaining chair, leaving Kent standing on guard by the entrance of the theater box for the entire performance.
I bit my lip and shifted my gaze back to the stage. Men in black moved the decorations, and from my vantage point, I could see everything happening just behind the curtains. The actors, dressed in costumes and heavy makeup, huddled around the entrance to the stage, watching me.
I leaned back in my seat, distracting myself by playing with the diamond bracelet on my wrist. Corliss and Adger were engaged in light conversation about the current affairs in the capital. No one mentioned the upcoming marriage. I had learned to find comfort in the little things.
Finally, the orchestra started playing and the performance began. The actors came out on stage, and the most incredible voice made me forget about everything. I found myself moving forward and fixing my eyes on the female performer.
“Do you like opera?” Corliss whispered into my ear.
“It’s magical.” I whispered back.
From the corner of my eye, I saw her moving back with a satisfied smile, but I did not care about anything around me anymore; I was too affected by the incredible beauty of the moment. Every note penetrated my soul,speaking directly to me, giving me solace in my desperate longing, of needing to be loved, cherished and accepted. I do not know how long I stayed so enraptured, trapped between layers of the real world and the world of dreams.
